Though Siri, the digital voice assistant built into Apple’s iPhones and iPads, is very obviously not human, she still does a great job of offering up some advice and attitude when presented with questions and commands by users of iOS devices. She can even do the same thing for Mac users, since macOS Sierra finally brought Siri to the Mac.
While talking to Siri regularly elicits some unintentional humor thanks to her limitations and misunderstandings, the writers behind the voice assistant add plenty of humor on purpose, too. Siri’s charming answers to questions like “do you love me?” not only entertain, but help us to be more forgiving when she occasionally misunderstands a command or fails to provide a useful response to an earnest query. And sometimes, when Siri can’t answer a question, she’ll sometimes make up for her lack of helpfulness with humor. Read on for 55 questions to ask Siri for a hilarious response.
Spoiler alert: While we definitely recommend actually asking Siri these questions for the full effect, not everyone has a Siri-equipped device at hand. So we’re reproducing some of her best answers here for the benefit of Android users, or those with iOS devices that were introduced before Siri made her debut. If you do have access to Siri on your iPhone or iPad, note that the responses listed here aren’t the only ones she might spit back, so feel free to try out some yourself.
1. What is zero divided by zero?
Siri answers, “Imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends. How many cookies does each person get? See? It doesn’t make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies, and you are sad that you have no friends.”
2. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Siri seems less than amused by this riddle. “A so-called ‘woodchuck’ (correctly speaking, a groundhog) would chuck — that is, throw — as much as the woodchuck in question was physically able to chuck (ibid.) if woodchucks in general had the capability (and, presumably, the motivation) to chuck wood.”
3. I’m drunk.
Siri offers a number of different responses, like “Neither of us is driving home,” but, more important, also offers a button to “Call me a taxi.”
4. Make me a sandwich?
Siri answers, “I can’t. I have no condiments,” or “I’m not permitted to prepare food.”