Does spending time with your partner feel more like completing a prison sentence than being in a relationship? If things have gotten to a point where being with your partner is no longer enjoyable — and it has been this way for a long time — something is clearly amiss. Your relationship could be dying or headed to the point of no return. If you don’t even care about the current state of your relationship, that’s an even stronger indicator that you and your significant other won’t be together for very long. Here are six signs that your relationship is dead.
1. Arguments go unresolved
Before, the thought of your partner being mad at you broke your heart. Now? Not so much. You aren’t as invested in healing ruptures in the relationship. You can feel the tension, anger, and resentment building each day, and part of you hopes the strain will break your partner. Relationship ruptures once filled you with fear, now they fuel you. Suddenly, you find yourself picking fights, and you can’t seem to stop. You derive pleasure from upsetting your partner. Hurt has erupted from the inside and seems to have permanently distorted your partner’s countenance — and it doesn’t even bother you.
It takes effort to work on healing unresolved anger. However, once a relationship starts to die, you may become too tired to fight anymore, and let old wounds fester. When anger continues to reside in your relationship, something is wrong. When you are in love, you’ll do whatever it takes to find out what’s wrong and fix it. That’s why letting anger just sit and rot out the core of your union is a tell-tale sign that one or both of you is done with the relationship.
Therapist Harriet Lerner, author of The Dance of Anger, says anger is an indication that an issue needs to be addressed in your relationship. “Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to. Our anger may be a message that we are being hurt, that our rights are being violated, that our needs or wants are not being adequately met, or simply that something is not right,” writes Lerner.