Looking for love can be a long, complicated process. Once you’ve found someone who comes close to being the person you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with, it’s tempting to stop there and ignore red flags. Don’t let desperation lure you into a commitment that may be all wrong for you. Getting out of a bad relationship gets much more difficult once you’ve invested your time and heart. Before you invest too much, take a moment to thoughtfully analyze your interactions with your new love to see if this is right for you. Here are some ways to tell whether you made the right decision.
1. You fight all the time
Does every conversation end in arguing followed by two days of the silent treatment? If you’ve made efforts to improve your communication, but nothing has changed, save yourself the trouble and cut your losses. The chronic stress produced by consistent bickering is bad for your health and it’s just simply no way to live.
“The long-term activation of the stress-response system — and the subsequent overexposure to cortisol and other stress hormones — can disrupt almost all your body’s processes. This puts you at increased risk of numerous health problems, including anxiety, depression, digestive problems, heart disease, sleep problems, weight gain, and memory and concentration impairment,” say Mayo Clinic researchers.
2. You don’t share the same values
Espousing similar values is just as important as having shared interests. Conflicting values will likely be the catalyst for many future arguments. If you desire a peaceful home, make sure your values are in alignment.
“Having shared interests is important. You want a partner you can experience life with and create memories with, as well as other important elements of a good relationship, including communication, intimacy, respect, and love. Shared values will strengthen the foundation of your relationship immensely,” writes relationship and intimacy coach Rachael Lay.
3. Your self-esteem has taken a nosedive
If you had a relatively healthy sense of self, but now you don’t feel as worthy, it’s time to move on. Never stay with someone who makes you feel like you don’t matter or that you are nothing without him or her in your life. Your value should not rest on what someone else thinks of you.
4. You’re anxious
Anxiety is one of your body’s ways of telling you that something is wrong. If you notice that you’ve been constantly feeling anxious, you may want to dig deeper and see if your relationship may be causing these symptoms. That unsettled feeling may be a sign that something is not right. Your interactions with your significant other should not leave you feeling uneasy. Alarm bells should go off if you ever feel unsafe in your boyfriend or girlfriend’s presence. True love never involves physical harm.
5. Your friends and family do not approve
Depending on why your friends and family won’t give the green light (external versus internal factors) you may or may not want to take their opinion into consideration. For example, if your folks disapprove because your new love has blue hair, you may want to ignore them. But if they express concern because your partner is disrespectful, you may want to take a closer look.