Some people treat holiday decorating like an Olympic event. The 9 foot tree, the twinkling lights, the miniature Christmas village diorama constructed entirely from toothpicks… it can all be a little much.
And unless you’re paying professionals to take charge of your Christmas decorating duties (yes, that’s a thing), then you may have some questions about how to keep your house looking classy rather than trashy.
This Christmas, take that pile of red and green chintz and banish it to the far corner of the attic. It’s time to break down the most hated Christmas decorating trends of all time.
1. Star Shower laser lights
‘Twas the year 2015 and suddenly everyone was picking up these overpriced laser lights to project red and green onto the front of their houses. The concept was admittedly brilliant: with Star Shower, homeowners didn’t have to spend hours stringing outdoor lights.
But then the whole thing got out of hand. In late 2015, these As Seen on TV laser lights became the fastest selling product in the country, outselling iPads and Xboxes at one major retail chain.
Now the knockoff versions are plentiful. But just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean you should. This trend had 15 minutes of fame (and then some) and now it’s time to move on.
Next: Plates you can’t eat off shouldn’t be called plates at all.
2. Collectible Christmas plates
Newsflash: no one collects Christmas plates. Maybe they did, once, but nobody does anymore and now these breakable dust collectors just keep getting passed down to generations who don’t want them at all. Want to buy someone a gift that says, “I hate you and I hope you don’t have a happy holiday?” Get them a collectible Christmas plate.
Plates are very practical for holding food. Decorative plates take away that essential function AND you need a to find a stand to prop them up. No, thank you.
Next: These are overpriced and not even funny anymore.
3. Ugly Christmas sweaters
There was a time when people wore ugly Christmas sweaters on purpose, perhaps not even realizing they were ugly. Now hipsters wear them ironically while drinking craft beer and feeling superior.
Can we be done with this trend already? There are entire companies devoted to making these intentionally tacky garments because consumers keep buying them. This year, shock everyone when you show up in a conventionally appealing outfit rather than yet another stupid snowman sweater.
Next: Keep the decorations off the road.
4. Car wreaths
Wreath on your front door = festive. Wreath on your car = ridiculous. Look, your Kia Sorento is probably feeling super excited about the holiday season, but how about you just take the decorating exuberance down a few notches, mmmkay?
Next: It’s time to melt this trend.
5. Icicle lights
The late 90s introduced us to Britney Spears of the ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ variety and icicle lights strung across every damn house on the street.
Remember these things? They vaguely resembled icicles because each strand featured many shorter strands spaced every few inches, giving the overall effect of ice dripping off your gutters. Advertisers neglected to mention that the whole mess got incredibly tangled once you took them down and that the trend would be completely out of fashion a few years later.
Some homes are still trying to keep the icicle light look alive, and to those individuals, we say it’s time to be like Elsa and let it gooooo now.
Next: There’s stylish, and then there’s snobbish.
6. Monochromatic Christmas trees
Pinterest is filled with this pretentious trend. All-white, all-blue, or all-pink trees are all the rage right now in “modern and elegant” decorating.
But you know what? Christmas trees are meant to be colorful and fun, not carefully curated in one single hue. Show your fun side and get a bunch of brightly colored ornaments in every color of the rainbow and stop trying to look so perfect all the time.
Next: Beer belongs in the fridge, not in your decorating scheme.
7. Beer-centric decorations
Christmas trees made from old beer cans will never be classy. Ever.
Just because you want to have fun with Christmas decorating it doesn’t mean you need to create towers of recycling to do it. And yes, that figurine depicting Santa Claus cracking open a cold one is potentially offensive and not even that funny.
Next: The 80s called — they want their tree back.
8. Tinsel trees
Faux Christmas trees have their merit — they’re better for the environment, cost less over time, and are the perfect solution for allergy sufferers. But if you’re going to go fake, at least choose a tree that sort of looks like a tree. Tinsel trees of pink, white, silver, black, gold, or any other color are just atrocious and unnecessary.
Next: This Christmas movie memorabilia should never be used in real life.
9. Leg lamps
One of the most popular Christmas movies of all time also spurred one of the most reviled holiday decorations of all time.
A Christmas Story tells the story of a boy and his beloved Red Ryder BB gun, but perhaps one of the most iconic pieces of memorabilia from the film is Ralphie’s dad’s leg lamp. Now retailers are capitalizing on your nostalgia by selling replicas in various sizes. Don’t fall victim. It was hideous then, it’s hideous now, and it needs to stop.
Next: There’s nothing amusing about flatulence.
10. Farting ornaments
This really needs no explanation. Unless you happen to be a 9-year-old boy, bodily emissions simply are not funny or cute. Derriere-shaped ornaments that mimic the sound of passing gas are a terrible plan.
Next: Christmas decorations and toilets do not go hand in hand.
11. Christmas themed bathroom accessories
No doubt you want to deck the halls and show off your Christmas spirit in every single corner of your home — but when it comes to the place you do your business, it’s a bit of overkill.
Toilet seat covers with coordinating contoured bath mats that hug the toilet base are somewhat tacky to begin with, but when you add in a theme of Mr. and Mrs. Claus, the whole setup goes from slightly unappealing to outright gaudy. Save yourself the expense and potential mockery by keeping your bathroom decorations to a minimum. Get some cinnamon scented guest soap and move on.
Next: It’s like a nightmare for your head.
12. Christmas tree light up hat
No, no, no, no, NO.
Next: Keep your lawn clear of this decoration.
13. Inflatable lawn decorations
You have to stake them down and they’ll probably blow away anyway. Inflatable lawn decorations look cheesy and worst of all, they cost hundreds of dollars and suck electricity to keep them inflated. Turn these monstrosities off during the day and you’re stuck with limp fabric strewn all over your lawn.
Better to just stick with your basic light strands instead.
Next: There are better ways to make your tree sparkle.
14. Tinsel garland
This gaudy tree decoration is straight out of the 1980s … and that’s where it deserves to stay. Never mind that yards and yards of plastic next to electric lights are a real fire hazard, it’s also hideously ugly.
Next: There’s only one Santa Claus.
15. Random characters dressed as Santa
There’s only one Santa, and he’s not Winnie the Pooh or Mickey Mouse or Darth Vader or any of the other characters that often masquerade as jolly old St. Nick. Stop pretending otherwise.
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