15 Secrets Your Cleaning Person Knows About You
The person you hire to clean your house doesn’t have to snoop to get the dirt on your personal life — all the sordid details are often hiding out in plain sight and are more obvious than you may think.
House cleaners see it all. Secret trysts, hidden clutter, dirty laundry (literally and figuratively). But unless you have a friend or relative doing your home cleaning, it probably doesn’t matter if they know your most embarrassing secrets. After all, who would they tell?
Still, it’s interesting to know exactly what your house cleaner knows about you even if you think you’re covering it up.
1. You’re off your diet
Just like your house cleaner probably noted your new juicer and overabundance of fresh kale and organic coconut oil in January, she also noticed that this month’s haul included a few boxes of Girl Scout cookies and a fast food wrapper in the trash can.
It’s not that your house cleaner will judge you for indulging — it’s just that she’ll notice when that shiny new juicer starts gathering dust in the corner of your counter.
Next: You can’t fake this in front of your house cleaner.
2. Your hair is fake
Plenty of people wear wigs, toupees, and hair extensions, and the results of these can look amazingly real. Your house cleaner, however, will definitely notice that telltale mannequin head where you covertly store your faux tresses.
Next: No junk drawer is safe.
3. You have hoarding tendencies
If you’ve ever watched the show Hoarders, they you probably have an idea of what extreme hoarding looks like. But even if you don’t have to crawl over mountains of crap to get to the couch, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re the next Marie Kondo.
You know that closet you’re afraid to open and the drawer jam-packed full of who knows what? Your house cleaner knows about those, and she’s also seen the state of your coat closet. Even if you think you’re good at hiding your tendencies to accumulate stuff you don’t need, there’s always one person who can see right through you.
Next: Those ice cream cartons are so obvious.
4. You just had a breakup
It’s kind of obvious when all of your lover’s clothes are mysteriously missing from the closet, or when all of those happy framed photographs mysteriously disappear or get placed face down on the dresser.
House cleaners report that some other signs of breakups include clichés such as stocked liquor cabinets, trash cans full of ice cream cartons, and dirty wine glasses on your nightstand.
Next: This telltale sign proves you’re lying.
5. You’re older than you let on
A lady never reveals her real age. If you have a stash of anti-aging creams and potions all over the bathroom, it’s likely that your house cleaner will realize you’re older than you let on. But who cares? You’re only as old as you feel, anyway.
Next: They know your secrets.
6. Your secret bad habits
If you’re a closet smoker, a person who eats cereal in bed, or someone who likes to clip your nails and leave the little piles all over your house, your house cleaner probably knows about it.
No matter what your vices, they’re hard to hide from the person who has unrestricted access to every room of your private home.
Next: You can’t hide your new wealth.
7. You got a raise
A new TV, new furniture, and a kitchen renovation underway? It’s obvious to your house cleaner when you’ve experienced a financial windfall, whether it’s from a promotion at work or a sudden inheritance.
Just be sure to remember your house cleaner around the holidays — a generous tip goes a long way in terms of appreciation.
Next: This private matter is often obvious.
8. You’re pregnant (or trying)
A pregnancy test in the trash can is just the most obvious way a house cleaner will realize you’re knocked up.
If you leave ovulation kits in the bathroom or your temperature chart and thermometer on the nightstand, your house cleaner will quickly pick up on the fact that you’re trying to conceive. Same goes for cleaning out the spare bedroom and painting it pale yellow.
Next: What you do in the bedroom is out in the open.
9. Your sex life secrets
You may stash your sex swing in the closet and keep your adult toys hidden in the top drawer of your nightstand, but chances are your house cleaner has noticed them while cleaning.
Having an affair? Your cleaning person might pick up on that too. If you’re suddenly getting a bunch of new lingerie or other sex aids, it could indicate infidelity (or an attempt to spice things up with your current partner).
Next: They’ll notice unpaid bills.
10. Your financial troubles
Just like your house cleaner will notice a sudden windfall, they’re also likely to notice if you’re behind on bills.
Some telltale signs include stacks of bills left lying around and endless collection calls while they’re cleaning. Plus if your stuff starts mysteriously disappearing, it could indicate that you’re selling your valuables to free up some cash.
Next: It doesn’t take much to notice this sign of trouble.
11. Your marriage is in trouble
If your spouse is sleeping in the guest room, your house cleaner will notice. Same goes for if they’re frequently out of town or staying at the local hotel when they’re normally home all the time.
Next: Don’t be embarrassed about these habits.
12. Your guilty pleasures
Not everyone knows you read romance novels or watch cheesy romantic comedies while inhaling cheese curls. But your house cleaner does.
Next: Weekly workouts? Not really.
13. You never work out
Just like how she knows you’re letting your diet slip, your house cleaner is also privy to your lack of physical activity.
When your treadmill masquerades as a clothing rack, your workout DVDs have a layer of dust, and that pile of dumbbells hasn’t moved in six months, it’s all evidence that your best-laid plans to start exercising have failed so far.
Next: They see your pile of Amazon boxes.
14. You have an online shopping addiction
Your postal carrier knows all about how much you love to shop online, and so does your house cleaner.
If you’re getting packages every single day, the boxes are going to pile up and attract attention. Even if you hide the evidence in your closet, they’ll still notice all your new stuff.
Next: Everyone is gross in a different way.
15. You have gross habits
Ever hear of cleaning for the cleaners? Everyone does it so they won’t notice how dirty you really allow your living space to get. But even if you take a cursory swipe over your countertops, it’s still likely that your house cleaner will uncover the grossest areas of your home.
Bad aim in the bathroom? Mattress stains? Dust piles under the bed? Any good house cleaner will find these and will realize just how dirty you really are. But don’t fret — you’re paying them to fix it.
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