You’re Not a Real Cat Person Unless You’ve Been in These Hilarious Situations
Many people own cats, but that doesn’t make them true cat people. In fact, we think that you’re only a real cat person if you’ve found yourself in some very specific — and hilarious — situations because of your cat. Have you ever debated whether your cat actually understands every word you say? Or have you come to terms with the fact that your cat really does want to kill you when you take him to the vet?
Want to see how you measure up? Read on to see which experiences you and your cat have shared. If you’ve been in enough of these situations, then you qualify as a true cat person.
1. Wondering what your cat is doing all day, even when you have much better things to do
It doesn’t matter whether you’re spending your day at work, at the mall, or on vacation. If you’re a true cat person, you’ll find yourself wondering throughout the day about what your cat is doing. Maybe he’s batting dust bunnies around under your bed? Perhaps he’s sunning himself on the window sill? Or maybe he’s digging in the houseplants? Perhaps he’s burrowing under the rug? There’s an endless number of possibilities. And a true cat person can’t stop himself from wondering — even if chances are good that the cat in question is just sound asleep on the couch.
2. Debating whether your cat wants a belly rub, or is just baiting you
Cats are manipulative. They definitely don’t want you to touch their bellies each time they lie on their backs. But they know that you’ll think that’s what they want. A true cat person realizes that there are two possibilities when a cat is lying on his back. Perhaps he actually does want a belly rub. But it’s also possible that he’s baiting you and just wants you to approach so he can bite or claw your hand. It’s hard to know!
3. Realizing your cat’s butt has been on your pillow
When you first bring a cat home, you probably think that you can teach him or her not to jump up on certain surfaces (your kitchen counter, for instance). But many cat owners find it difficult to actually keep a cat away from those spots entirely. You’re a true cat person if you’ve come to terms with the fact that your cat’s butt has been on just about everything you own. That includes your kitchen counter, your coffee table, your exercise equipment, and, yes, even your pillow.
4. Running out of storage on your phone thanks to all those cat photos
Every cat owner knows that felines do adorable things, whether they’re tiny kittens or have been around the block. So naturally, you have to document your cat’s antics by taking plenty of photos. And videos. And bursts of photos that you turn into GIFs. So you aren’t a true cat person until you’ve run out — or almost run out — of smartphone memory thanks to all your cat photos.
5. Realizing that your cat never actually wants to pose for a photo for you
Even if you have tons of cat photos, probably very few of those are exactly what you wanted. Somewhere along the way, a true cat person realizes that a cat never actually wants to pose for a photo. They don’t want to hold that cute pose on the couch. They don’t want to look at the camera when you snap a photo of them on the bookshelf. And they definitely don’t want to join in on your selfie.
6. Resolving to never move again once your cat chooses you as a napping spot
Some cats love cuddling up on their owners’ laps and do it all the time. Other cats do it only rarely. Either way, when your cat chooses to curl up on your lap or snuggle against your chest, you probably feel honored. But a true cat person? A true cat person resolves to take shallow breaths, sit as still as a statue, and probably never move again when their cat chooses them as a napping spot.
7. Debating whether you should let your cat sleep, or cuddle with him despite the consequences
Everybody who loves a cat thinks their feline is absolutely adorable when he’s asleep. After all, he looks so innocent! So cute! So sweet! Most people will leave a kitten alone to sleep, no matter how much they want to hold that little ball of fluff. But you’re a true cat person if you’d risk the claws and teeth coming out just to snuggle with your cat for a few seconds.
8. Realizing that your cat has been watching you for who knows how long
Some cats love following their owners around the house. And others would prefer to keep to themselves. But regardless of the disposition of the cats in their life, every true cat person has realized, at some point, that their cat has been watching them. Maybe it happens when you’re cleaning the kitchen. Or perhaps when you’re watching TV. Maybe when you’re agonizing over an email. But at some point, you notice your cat’s eyes on you, and you start to wonder how long he’s been watching you.
9. Accepting your cat’s control over your schedule
Cats seem lower-maintenance than dogs, in part because you don’t have to configure your schedule around walks around the neighborhood. But a cat won’t really let you maintain control over your own schedule. A true cat person has accepted that a cat will wake you up when you want to sleep. She’ll want to play when you just want to chill out. And she’ll ignore you when you want to play with her. Whether by disrupting your sleep schedule or interrupting your efforts to make dinner, a cat will definitely exert control over your schedule.
10. Determining that there’s no safe way to take one of your belongings back from your cat
Cats steal their owners’ possessions all the time. Sometimes, they steal your socks. Other times, they sit on your chair. And still other times, they sit on top of your towel while you’re in the shower, or park themselves on top of the book you really need to finish studying or working. Your cat doesn’t care. But a true cat person knows that there’s no safe or easy way to take something back from a cat before they’re ready to give it up.
11. Wondering over and over again whether your cat is really smart or really dumb
Can’t decide whether your cat is very intelligent or incredibly dumb? A true cat person knows that that debate never actually ends. Whatever your cat’s personality, he probably shows some pretty impressive problem-solving skills in getting what he wants (especially if what he wants is food or a toy). And then the next day, he gets himself stuck in a situation that makes you question even his spatial reasoning skills and his common sense. You can’t figure a cat out, so a true cat person largely stops trying.
12. Convincing yourself that your cat actually understands every word you say
Rationally, you know that your cat only understands a few of the words that you say. But true cat people have all convinced themselves at some point that their cat actually understands every single word that they say. Does your cat really understand what you’re saying when you complain about work? How about when you ask them what movie they want to watch? Or offer them your commentary on the news? Probably not. But if you’re a true cat person, you can imagine that your cat listens, understands — and judges you.
13. Coming to terms with the fact that you probably love your cat more than he loves you
Many cats only want affection on their own terms. Some cat owners are in denial. They just chalk up their cat’s grumbling and grouching about being hugged to a bad mood. But a true cat person realizes that many cats just hate being hugged. And being cuddled. And being loved on your terms instead of theirs. In fact, a true cat person has come to terms with the fact that they probably love the cat more than the cat loves them — but still knows that there are plenty of ways that a cat says, “I love you.”
14. Tearing up when your cat shows his love for you
Some of us are more emotional than others, but interacting with a pet doesn’t bring tears to our eyes most of the time. However, a true cat person has experienced getting some unexpected love from their cat, and then feeling tears well up in their eyes. Sure, the feeling only lasts a few moments. But sometimes, it’s overwhelming how much you love your cat.
15. Understanding that your cat really does want to kill you when you take her to the vet
You have to take your cat to the veterinarian. It’s a critical part of keeping your pet in good health. But your cat thinks that every visit to the vet is scheduled and planned specifically to torture her — and she blames the whole thing on you. The typical cat owner thinks that the cat is just mad about having to go to the vet and get her vaccinations. But a true cat person realizes that their cat really does want to kill them when they go to the vet. At least the rage is temporary, right?
16. Are you a true cat person? Here’s the moment of truth.
Almost anybody can own a cat. But not everybody who has a cat automatically becomes a true cat person. If you’ve experienced five or fewer of these situations, try again later. You aren’t a real cat person — yet. If you’ve experienced six to 12, you’re on your way. But you still aren’t a real cat person yet. However, if you’ve experienced 13 or more of these situations with your cat, congratulations! You’re a true cat person!