Baby Boomers Love These Things for Better or Worse
Baby boomers represent the 76 million people born between 1946 and 1964 — during the post World War II baby boom. Boomers started the suburban boom, too, as people started moving to the outskirts of cities and building modest, inexpensive tract houses.
1. Khaki capri pants
Capri pants are a boomer favorite. Unfortunately, they couldn’t be less flattering on most women — they cut your leg off in the worst place possible. Are they pants? Are they shorts?
Who cares? Please, boomers, let this fashion statement die.
Next: Spice it up.
2. Mrs. Dash
Attention, baby boomers: There is a world of spices out there, so you don’t have to keep using Mrs. Dash only, OK? Yes, it’s a good mixture of spices. And it’s salt-free.
But it gets mighty monotonous. Seriously, boomers — branch out and try something new.
Next: Such a scam
Are diamonds really a girl’s best friend? Maybe not. Buying diamonds is such a scam: Sellers intentionally keep the stones off the market to drive up the prices. Stop buying expensive diamonds, boomers. Instead, use that money to pay off your student loans.
Next: This habit must die
4. Socks with sandals
Why do so many boomers make this fashion statement? White or black, socks simply are not cool-looking with sandals.
Ahem: Sandals are made so you don’t need to wear socks. Stop doing it, baby boomers; it looks absurd.
Next: Make this dish go away.
If you’re a boomer, chances are you grew up on meatloaf. It was a “mom favorite” for decades. Yes, people still eat meatloaf, which looks kind of yucky and generally tastes rather bland. Boomers, try some hipster food for a change — you might just like it.
Next: A typical boomer haunt
6. The mall
Why anyone would want to go to a mall is beyond us. According to Mentalfloss, architect Frank Lloyd said, “You’ve got a garden court that has all the evils of the village street and none of its charm,”
Wright Boomers, this just in: You can buy everything you need online. Stop going to a place with crowded stores and awful parking situations.
Next: Worst shoes ever
7. Teva sandals
“Wow, those Tevas are sexy,” said no one ever. Why do boomers love Teva sandals? No one seems to know. They just better be super comfy, considering how terrible they look.
Next: Who pairs these together?
8. Mayonnaise-based ‘salads’ with fruit
OK, millennials eat weird things like sprouted nuts and they drink kombucha. But that’s not nearly as crazy as eating a “salad” made from broccoli — or any veg — grapes, and mayo. First, it’s not a real salad. Second, it must taste just awful.
Next: Upgrade to Gmail.
Baby boomers love to use Yahoo! — as a search engine or as an email address. People — you’re dating yourselves.
Please stop it and get a Gmail account. People will think you’ve made it into the 21st century.
Next: Get rid of this dorky look.
10. Transitions lenses
If you’ve ever seen someone sitting inside with dark lenses, it’s likely a boomer whose transitions lenses haven’t adjusted to being indoors yet. Sure, the lenses are convenient, but they just look so … dorky.
And they can be downright dangerous if the lenses don’t change quickly enough. Go ahead and treat yourself and get a pair of prescription sunglasses.
Next: Worse than fruit and mayo
11. Jello salads
Dear baby boomers: The 1970s are calling — they want their Jello “salads” back. Ugh. Jello salads are possibly what made the 1970s the worst American food era ever.
These “salads” typically involve flavored gelatin, fruit, and sometimes grated carrots or rarely, other vegetables. Some people like to add ingredients including may include cottage cheese, cream cheese, marshmallows, nuts, or pretzels. No thanks.
Next: These look absurd.
Originally designed as boating shoes, Crocs made their debut in 2002. Unfortunately, boat fans weren’t the only ones who made them super popular.
Yes, they’re comfortable. Yes, they’re easy to slip on. No, they don’t look good — on the contrary, they look rather ridiculous.
Next: Sun protection
Of course you want to keep the sun off your face — and out of your eyes. And of course, visors do that. But they’re so … dumb looking.
Boomers, please stop wearing visors. In case you haven’t noticed, they make real hats these days.
Next: Outdated restaurants
You’ve all been to a buffet and eaten as much as you wanted. But why would you want to eat as much as you can from what is likely low-quality food choices that have been sitting out getting cold?
Skip the buffet — and those nasty sneeze guards. Instead, go to a real restaurant and eat enough for one meal, not 10.
Next: Who does this anymore?
Cotton clothes get wrinkled. And ironing takes the wrinkles out.
But who actually irons these days? Answer: baby boomers. Hint: Take a shirt to the cleaners or just wear it wrinkled, like so many others.
Next: Pack this one in, too.
16. Leather fanny packs
The first fanny packs came out in the 1980s and gained real popularity in the 1990s. Which is when people should have stopped wearing them.
These look so silly — on men or women. Fanny packs are bad enough, but when you invest in a leather one, it shows how committed you are. Get rid of it today.
Next: Branch out.
17. Chain restaurants
Sure, chain restaurants are consistent and reliable. But are they a great choice for a dinner out?
According to boomers, yes: When they want to go out for a meal, they’ll often choose a chain restaurant. Forget Olive Garden, people; try a local restaurant instead.
Next: This does not classify as art.
18. Scripted art from department stores
You’ve painted your walls and they look clean and beautiful. And now … you need art.
Paintings and wall decals with “deep” sayings on them are a favorite of boomers. This just in: they look … tacky.
Next: Tree killers
19. Paper napkins
Boomers aren’t known for being the most eco-friendly people. Case in point: They use paper napkins.
Because they’re less effective than paper towels and less eco-friendly than cloth napkins, there’s just no point in using them. Step up and help save Mother Earth, boomers.
Next: Are boomers paranoid?
20. Conspiracy theories
There are conspiracy theories about, well, almost everything. And baby boomers have made their contributions.
Thanks, boomers, for being the generation that started JFK and moon-landing conspiracy theories. You’ve opened up quite the Pandora’s box.
Next: Stick to a 401k if you need vesting.
21. Patterned vests
If you’re wearing a suit with a vest, at least it won’t be patterned. But many vests are designed to be worn as a fashion statement — without a suit.
Vests are bad enough, but patterned ones are the worst. Never has one looked good on any human, period.
Next: Soup is good food?
23. Canned soup
According to Campbell’s, its condensed soup came out in 1897. By 1994, more than 100 cans of its flagship line are purchased worldwide — every second.
Ah, that slight taste of aluminum, tons of sodium, and an almost nutrient-free ingredient list … My, how boomers love their canned soups.
Next: Yes, people still have these.
Remember those phones with jacks that plugged into the wall? Of course you do — you probably still have one if you’re a boomer.
Sure, you can get a landline practically free these days, but will you really use it? Just get a cell phone and ditch the landline. You’ll be fine, seriously.
Next: Take a real vacation, willya?
Baby boomers love to take cruise vacations. We’re not sure why. Apparently, they must like going on vacation where you’re trapped on a boat and get to visit another country for two hours. And eating anything and everything 24/7, which likely doesn’t do much for poolside figures.
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