Everything Your Bartender’s Secretly Judging You For
Your bartender does more than just pour you drinks, as they are responsible for the entire bar’s overall vibe. Need someone to talk to? Your bartender’s there. Need someone to call you an uber because the guy you met for a drink is being a creep? Your bartender’s got you.
But because you’re bartender’s always watching, they’re also judging everything that’s going on. Read on to find out if you’re guilty of any of these bar faux pas.
1. How much you tip
If you’re just ordering a beer, tipping a dollar or two is fine. But if your bartender makes you a cocktail or has to put some effort into your concoction, tipping 20% is usually a safe bet.
Next: Don’t order this drink if you want to be taken seriously.
2. Ordering a martini
Want your bartender to think you’re cool and laid back? Don’t order a martini. “You are on a power trip and like to sound pretentious. When you find out there is gin in this, do not hand it back to me,” says the bartender who wrote this article.
Next: You need help if you’re openly doing this in a bar.
3. Crying at the bar
It’s not unusual for people to come to a bar because they just want to talk to someone about something going on in their lives. If they don’t have anyone to talk to, they can usually count on the bartender. More often than not, bartenders are happy to listen — it’s part of the job description. But if you’re to the point of openly crying in a bar, you probably need more help than your bartender can give you.
Next: Don’t be a know-it-all.
4. Asking questions to flaunt your drink knowledge
You bartender can tell when you’re asking questions because you’re really curious about a drink, or because you’re just trying to flex your knowledge. Mentioning mezcal is typically a dead giveaway.
Next: Take it easy.
5. Flirting with every person you see
A bar is a great place to meet new people and potentially exchange phone numbers. Unfortunately, because of this reason, bars also attract a lot of desperate people. Come to a bar to have a good time and maybe meet some new people, don’t come to go hunting. People can usually sense the desperation on someone and it’s not an attractive quality.
Next: Another drink to avoid
6. Ordering sours
Want everyone to think you’re younger than you are? Order a sour. The bartender who wrote this article says if you’re ordering sours, “you probably just turned 21, enjoy your hangover.”
Next: It’s better to stay at home than exhibit this behavior in a bar.
7. Looking for a fight
Not only will this get you kicked out, it won’t make you any friends. If you head out for a night of drinking because you’re upset about something that happened earlier that day and you know you can’t help but blow off some steam in the form of physical violence, it’s better to stay home. Or better yet, go exercise. Channel that energy into something productive. You’ll feel a lot better in the morning, too.
Next: Your bartender can’t help but judge you for this.
8. Awkward first dates
A bar is a great place to bring a first date — it’s comfortable and casual, and the alcohol certainly can help the nerves. Unfortunately, despite being in a bar, plenty of first dates are genuinely pretty awkward. There’s not much you can do about it, but rest assured that your bartender is indeed eavesdropping and relishing in the awkwardness.
Next: Sharing is caring
9. Taking total control of the jukebox
It’s pretty simple — don’t be a jukebox hog. Especially if you find yourself playing drastically different types of music than everyone else. Read the room and try to play things that at least the majority of people will want to hear. Try not to be too selfish when it comes to the jukebox.
Next: They’ll get to you when they get to you.
10. Desperately trying to get the bartender’s attention
Everybody wants a drink, not just you. You bartender is trying his/her best to take drink orders in the order people come to the bar. Even if he/she isn’t making direct eye contact with you, trust me, they know you’re there and they know you’re waiting. You’ll get your turn just like everybody else.
Next: Don’t order this drink if you’re over the age of 23.
11. Ordering a jager bomb
If you’re over the age of 23, you might want to think twice before the next time you order a jager bomb. “You’re a washed up frat star, that just can’t quite let go yet,” says another bartender about bar patrons who order this particular drink.
Next: Take it outside.
12. Arguing with your significant other
Little arguments between significant others happen all the time at bars, especially because alcohol’s involved. But if you feel things starting to get heated between you and your partner, it’s best to take the discussion outside, in the car, or home. Not only are you making other bar patrons uncomfortable, it’s also hard to get to the root of the problem in a loud bar. Go somewhere where you can really hear and listen to each other.
Next: Your bartender knows what you’re doing.
13. Doing drugs in the bathroom
If three men go to the restroom at the same time for just a couple minutes, your bartender knows what’s going on. Don’t think they don’t notice.
Next: Use your inside voice.
Bars are loud, you have to speak up at times. But yelling just to be the loudest in the room is completely unnecessary. Again, read the room. Is anyone else talking as loudly as you? If the answer is no, then you need to lower your voice.
Next: Order the drink you actually want.
15. Ordering for appearance
Don’t order something you don’t actually like in an effort to look a certain way. If you can’t stand your whiskey neat, don’t be a hero. Order what you actually want to drink. Even if you say you like your drink, your bartender can tell when you don’t.
Read more: 15 Things You Should Never Ask a Bartender
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