The Internet Is Having a Lot of Fun Reviewing a Trump Christmas Ornament
The Donald Trump presidential campaign released a commemorative Christmas ornament last year, and the internet still can’t handle it. “Reviews” poured in, and many of them focused more on the man than the decoration. We rounded up some of the most hilarious ones, from the social commentary to the just plain clueless, in order of least to most hysterical.
1. This user blames the Russians
2. The hat is not exactly subtle
Amazon user Matthew Coadyon wrote, “This ornament takes up way to much room on the executive branch of my tree.” We’d recommend moving it, but that went poorly for this next user.
Next: Does the ornament have magic powers?
3. Some seriously scary graffiti “came from” the cap
Amazon reviewer Scared Family in the South said they remain convinced the ornament has magical powers. “As a joke, we put this stupid thing at the bottom of the tree for laughs, but then it started appearing over on the very far right,” they wrote. “That same night some lunatic wrote with a permanent marker on top of our baby Jesus ornament. and wrote “Lyin’ Joo Jesus” on it. OMG! And the same person wrote on our Mother Mary ornament, “Knocked-up Mary.” WTH!” A few nights later, Shorton noted, “almost a third of our ornaments, I guess, flocked to and surrounded the cap.”
Next: This cautionary “review” does not end there.
4. Now the tree leans suspiciously right
The user said “everyone in the family thought that the tree was leaning left, although just barely, but enough to make everything alright and secure.” The next week though, the tree fell over to the right with the hat “all over our beautiful angel. We were so shocked. We still don’t believe it. And our little blue donkey was on the ground and found crushed.” The scariest part? The presents remained stacked between the tree and the Nativity scene, and the whole thing seems bound to burn itself down. Go figure.
Next: Did the hat make Christmas great again?
5. Hanging up this little guy has some serious consequences
Jessica Shorton wrote that “Someone said it was going to make Christmas great again.” Not only that, but the hat promised to make this the “absolute best Christmas. Not sure how such a little thing was going to do that, but, now that the ornament is in my house, someone cut down our tree (leaving coal debris in our drinking water instead) and the Nativity set was banned from entering our home,” Shorton reported. “Moreover, people caught singing ‘Feliz Navidad’ or wishing anyone ‘Happy Holidays’ tend to disappear.”
Next: This ornament did some terrible things to the Virgin Mary.
6. This basket of deplorables did some damage when it arrived
“I’d ordered the ‘basket of deplorables’ only to find it to be a motley collection of ornaments,” wrote CarlB1. “A Scrooge or two, a Marley in chains moaning about something or other, a dozen Grinches (with the Gingrich as the yuge, biggest, meanest, Grinch of them all) and various vile swamp creatures.” The red hat rested on top, and as soon as CarlB1 hung it up, it went hog wild.
“It deported Joseph from the nativity as an illegal immigrant, revoked Mary’s Obamacare coverage on the grounds that her pregnancy is a pre-existing condition, and fingerprinted Jesus to put him on a special registry as an anchor baby. When the three wise men advised them to board a flight to Egypt, this ornament branded them all terrorists and put them on a no-fly list. Is this the spirit of the season?” Great question, Carl.
Next: This household just wants out.
7. But where’s the off switch?
Jennifer Nguyenon‘s household got the ornament by accident. “Our neighbor bought this for our tree. He thought it would make our tree better somehow. (It hasn’t.),” she reported. “Frankly, we’re at our wits end. It’s hideous, obnoxiously loud, and repeats the same inane phrases over and over again. Does it have an off button? We’d really love to just get rid of it.” Good luck with that, Jennifer.
Next: Ornaments don’t have the toughest jobs on the planet, but this one can’t hack it.
8. The ornament doesn’t even want to be on the tree
Amazon user Marion said her Trump hat lies down on the job. “I keeps [sic] filling up with hot air then it deflates, gets depressed [and] begins tweeting about what’s wrong with my tree,” she wrote. “It hates all the other ornaments, especially the ones from Mexico.” Sounds like Marion’s multicultural tree might have some trouble on its hands.
Next: This user got the ornament from a source we’ve been seeing a lot lately.
9. This ornament maintains close ties to this Slavic country
“A Russian website convinced me to buy this, even though I wanted a different ornament,” wrote Garth Upshawon. “Now my tree is on fire and all the angels look scared.” Upshawon’s angels have some company in those fears.
Next: The red hat went after more than just angels.
10. The red hat also hates this category of other ornaments
Jon Risseeuwon reported that his ornament “tried to send my ‘Hermey the Elf’ ornament to conversion therapy.” If you think the red hat is way out of line thinking the dentistry-obsessed elf harbors homosexual proclivities, check out Vulture’s deep dive on the subject.
Next: The ornament also can’t take what it dishes out.
11. It might not last through New Year’s
The red hat can put it out, but it can’t take it. Craig Comroeon said his “broke immediately due to thin skin. Likes to make fun of people telling them they were duped, BIGLY.” Although the red hat does have that tendency, some Christmas decorators say they still find it surprising.
Next: This user recommends keeping the ornament on the tree.
12. The red hat does not do well with pets
ByzombieHon complained that the red hat also made a poor present for their gerbil. “The minute I put it on his head, he became hostile and aggressive,” the wrote. “When I complained about his behavior, he filed a lawsuit against me. Do not recommend this for pets: use only for yuletide decorations.” While the red hat’s pet-averse behavior comes as no shock, we always thought gerbils had better temperaments.
Next: This user does not see the point of the red hat.
13. Do dunce hats make good Christmas decorations?
“I’m confused as to why they would turn a dunce cap into a holiday ornament,” complained Amazon user MidMadModon. “Maybe it’s a just a quirky, kitschy, ironic kind of statement piece. Like the ornament version of the ugly Xmas sweater. Nothing bestows gloom and despair on your tree quite as well as a symbol of shame!” That said, doom and gloom seems to fit right in with this year’s aesthetic, if you ask Melania Trump.
Next: Some Christmas decorators missed the entire point of the red hat.
14. The hat does nothing for this tree trimmer
Amazon Customeron reported that the red hat did not live up to their expectations. “Give me a break!” they said. “What’s this trying to tell? ‘Make Christmas Trees Great Again!’ Oh please!” If you ask the rest of the Christmas fans around the country, that’s a pretty standard response.
Next: Finally, the red hat made a move on this family pet, and no one is surprised.
15. But did it move on her like a you-know-what?
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