The holidays are a joyous time of year, filled with twinkling lights, festive decorations, and lots of cookies. But not everything about December inspires good tidings.
The day after Thanksgiving (or, in some cases, right after Halloween) radio stations start playing round-the-clock Christmas music. You’ll definitely hear holiday jingles any time you’re out shopping during the month of December since researchers found that people tend to spend more money when Christmas music is playing.
Silent Night, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Jingle Bells … many classic holiday songs are universally loved. Then there are those certain songs that make you want to punch a snowman in the face. Whether it’s because they’re overplayed, obnoxious, or downright offensive, these are the most hated Christmas songs that you never want to hear.
Ahead, check out some of the most hated Christmas times of all time.
1. ‘Last Christmas’ by Wham! (1984)
It’ll get stuck in your head — and that’s unfortunate. With bad lyrics and a strange premise, Wham!’s Christmas ballad is one of the most hated of all time. George Michael wrote the original version, but now there are almost 500 covers that you could listen to on a permanent loop. Maybe after a few hundred times you’ll manage to figure out how the subject of the song was able to give away someone else’s heart in the first place.
Next: Christmas, according to rodents.
2. ‘The Chipmunks Christmas Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late)’ by David Seville (1958)
Listening to chipmunks singing in an obnoxiously high pitch is bad enough, but even with more human-like vocals this song would still suck. How about the lyrics?
All the chipmunks care about is getting toys for Christmas, making the whole thing a lesson in selfishness — the exact opposite of what you want your kids acting like during the holidays. And the whole bit about Alvin not paying attention is more aggravating than cute.
Next: Braying lyrics are never a good time.
3. ‘Dominick the Donkey’ by Lou Monte (1960)
This one is actually offensive to Italian Americans, yet somehow it’s still on the air. What does a donkey have to do with Christmas? Does anyone think braying “HEE HAW HEE HAW” will ever sound good? This song makes no sense and it’s awful.
Next: A song that celebrates elder abuse.
4. ‘Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer’ by Elmo & Patsy (1979)
Listen to the lyrics and you’ll realize just how dark this song really is. Letting your grandma leave the house drunk to retrieve her forgotten medication is bad enough, but then after she dies Grandpa doesn’t even care. He continues drinking and playing cards with cousin Mel after finding his wife tragically killed. Seriously? This song needs to go away and never come back.
Next: A great way to teach your kids about adultery.
5. ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ by Jimmy Boyd (1952)
Creepy, creepy, creepy. This 1953 classic was originally sung by a child, which makes it even more disturbing. With all the kissing and tickling underneath the beard, it seems unlikely that Daddy would think the whole escapade was very comical.
Adults may be in on the joke of it (Santa is supposed to be the dad, right?), but advocating adultery to small children who don’t understand just isn’t funny.
Next: Sexualizing Santa is not good for the children.
6. ‘Santa Baby’ by Eartha Kitt (1953)
On the surface this song sounds innocent — until you start to consider the glaring euphemisms, made obvious by the sultry vocals of Eartha Kitt. “Hurry down the chimney,” “Come and trim my Christmas tree…” it’s super sexual, and beyond that, the girl is downright greedy. She wants a fur coat, a convertible, decorations from Tiffany, a ring, and the deed to a platinum mine? Talk about spoiled.
Next: No means no.
7. ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ by Frank Loesser (1944)
Ah yes, the date rape anthem, also known as Baby It’s Cold Outside. Let’s break it down, shall we? Girl wants to go home. Guy refuses to let her leave, coming up with every excuse and not even offering to let her have a coat in the freezing cold. “Hey, what’s in this drink?” Hint: It’s a roofie. Run away and go call the police.
Next: Someone should have hidden the synthesizer.
8. ‘Wonderful Chistmastime’ by Paul McCartney (1980)
This simply wasn’t Paul’s best effort. Blame it on the overabundance of synthesizers or the inane lyrics (“The mood is right/the spirit’s up”) — this Christmas tune could go away forever and literally no one would miss it.
Next: There’s touching, and then there’s overwrought.
9. ‘The Christmas Shoes’ by NewSong (2000)
This song is the very definition of trying too hard. Based on an urban legend and adapted into both a book and a TV movie starring Rob Lowe, this song tells the tale of a little boy who needs to borrow money so he can buy his dying mother new shoes in case “Mama meets Jesus tonight.” It’s either the saddest thing ever, or it’s an obvious attempt to tug at your heartstrings that ends up sounding overly sentimental. In this case, it’s definitely the latter.
Next: Most people don’t throw Christmas parties that are this fun.
10. ‘Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree’ by Brenda Lee (1958)
Maybe it’s the overhyped sense of merriment. Do people really rock around a Christmas tree? Even if they do, when’s the last time someone threw a “Christmas party hop?” Besides just getting stuck in your head, this song seems too ambitious. Christmas parties are fun, but not usually that fun.
Next: A particularly depressing holiday song.
11. ‘Please, Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk on Christmas)’ by John Denver (1973)
A drunk dad, a crying mom, a pleading child — it doesn’t get much bleaker than this holiday ballad. It may be realistic, but that doesn’t mean you need to write a song about it.
Next: It’s almost impossible to lose a holiday.
12. “Where Are You, Christmas?” by Faith Hill
There are worse Christmas songs on the list, but this one takes the prize as being one of the strangest and most depressing. In essence, it’s a song about losing the Christmas spirit. But the whole concept is slightly bizarre — since Christmas isn’t a physical thing to find, the lyrics just make Faith Hill sound insane.
Next: Half the song is just noises.
13. ‘Little Drummer Boy’ by Katherine Kennicott Davis (1941)
There are just as many people who love this song as there are people who hate it. The ones who despise it find the tune “gloomy and pompous”, plus they complain that for a song about drumming, it’s a little strange that it doesn’t use any actual drums — just the verbal sound of drumming.
Plus, no mother of a newborn would let a kid with a drum anywhere near her sleeping child. Period.
Next: Spoofs aren’t always funny.
14. ‘The 12 Pains of Christmas’ by Bob Rivers (1990)
Song parodies run the risk of being hit or miss, and this one is mostly a miss. Sure, a lot of people hate the original “12 Days of Christmas” song because it’s too repetitive and because most of the gifts are ridiculous (not many people have the storage space for 1o lords a-leaping) . Still, the 200-year-old classic deserves more respect than an obnoxious spoof about hating your in-laws and how frustrating it is to string Christmas lights.
Next: A song about a strange pet that wouldn’t even fit in the house.
15. ‘I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas’ by Gayla Peevey (1953)
This song should be reserved for small children only. Preferably in a soundproof room that’s far, far away from adult eardrums.
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