Being a mail carrier isn’t the easiest or the most glamorous job in the world. For one thing, they’re often stuck delivering mail in all kinds of unpleasant weather, from dangerous blizzards to sweltering heat. They get chased or even bit by dogs. People aren’t always happy to see them, especially when they’re delivering fat stacks of bills.
1. They know you have good credit
People who are constantly getting credit card offers in the mail typically have great credit. Meanwhile, if you’re getting collection letters all the time, your mail carrier will assume that the opposite is true.
Next: You’re not fooling anyone with that “discreet” packaging.
2. They’re aware of your ‘secret’ purchases
Even though that personal lubricant ships in what the company refers to as “discreet packaging,” that unmarked box will only protect your private purchases from untrained eyes. Seasoned professionals like your mail carrier know there’s something scintillating in the box.
The giveaway is the return address. Mail carriers know the locations of big sex toy and alcohol distributors, and they know if you’re getting unmarked packages from those places, it means you placed an order. But don’t worry about it too much — lots of people get those sorts of packages.
Next: They notice a theme to your mail.
3. They know your hobbies
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to notice — if you get gardening magazines and seed catalogs every other week and your front landscaping looks like a dreamy botanical paradise, chances are your mail carrier will rightly assume you’re into gardening. Same goes for all your other hobbies.
Next: They can make a good guess about this detail.
4. They know how old you are
Birthday cards, voter registration, college enrollment packets, AARP letters, and Medicare associated mail are just some examples of mail that gives away your age range.
Next: Burglars check for this, too.
5. They know you’re on vacation
Whether you stop the mail for the time you’re gone or you have a neighbor picking up your mail every few days, your mail carrier will notice that you’re out of town.
Next: Even if you keep this secret from your family, your mail carrier will know.
6. They know you’re pregnant
After your first OB appointment, don’t be surprised when your mailbox gets flooded with parenting magazines, formula coupons, and information on cord blood banking. Even if you’re keeping hush hush with the family and you’re not visibly sporting a bump, your mailman will notice you’re expecting a little bundle of job before anyone else does.
Next: This kind of trouble is so obvious.
7. They know if you broke the law
Those court summonses stick out like a sore thumb. If you ever break the law, you’ll also get a slew of solicitations from lawyers, which tell your mail carrier you’re having some legal troubles.
Next: It’s hard to keep this detail secret from your mail carrier.
8. They know about your big break-up
When mail suddenly stops coming for someone who used to live in your house, your postal worker is sure to notice. They may also take note of the giant U-Haul parked in the driveway.
Next: The front lawn speaks volumes.
9. They know you’re messy
No, it’s not just because you subscribe to Hoarders Monthly. When your grass is ankle deep and the mailbox can barely be seen behind all the weeds, it’s pretty obvious that you’re not the tidiest person in the world.
Next: Even if this family member never comes outside, the mail carrier knows he’s there.
10. They know what kind of pet you have
That whole cliché about dogs and mail carriers is true. In 2016, the total number of postal carriers attacked by dogs reached 6,755, which was a 200 person increase from the previous year.
Besides just your pup, your postman will notice the cat who likes to sit in the window and the monthly delivery of bird seed.
Next: Mail carriers notice this without trying to.
11. They know your schedule
Since they travel the same route every day, your postman is likely to notice who is home most of the time and who works on weekdays. Some mail carriers have even rescued elderly people just by noticing that their mail was starting to pile up.
Next: They don’t have to speak to you to know this.
12. They know your profession
Some professions are more obvious than others. Based on your pay stubs, company newsletters, and that company logo emblazoned on the side of your work truck, your postal worker can usually venture a guess at what you do for a living.
Next: They laugh and cry right along with you.
13. They know about your major life events
All those wedding invitation response cards give away the big secret that you’re getting hitched. Same goes for the lawyer correspondence during your divorce.
Next: That package can’t fool a trained mail carrier.
14. They know you’re doing drugs
Getting drugs delivered by mail is more common than you think. While you may think you’re getting away with it, it’s possible that your postal worker knows the package is suspicious but doesn’t do anything about it. After all, they’re not the DEA.
Next: They’re aware you have Prime.
15. They know about your online shopping addiction
They see that pile of Amazon boxes every day. Hey, it’s OK, everyone loves Prime.
Next: They will judge you for this.
16. They know if you’re generous
Did you know you’re supposed to tip your mail carrier during the holidays? They notice and appreciate it when you do.
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