People are funny. Maybe it’s because they’re used to getting their way all the time, or because they lack common sense, but for one reason or another there are some travelers out there who make ridiculous requests on airplanes and expect to have them fulfilled.

Asking for a beverage or an extra blanket while flying? Totally acceptable. Asking the pilot to let you hang out in the cockpit because it’s your birthday? Not so much. Several working flight crews compiled lists of the most unbelievable requests they’ve ever heard from passengers. The true stories they told are nothing short of shocking.

1. “Why can’t you open the window and give us some air? It’s really stuffy in here.”

Look closely at a plane window and you’ll notice three separate panes of glass — none of which have any chance of being rolled down. And while you won’t get sucked out the window if, say, someone shot a bullet straight through it, opening the window would cause the planes temperate to plummet and put everyone at risk for frostbite.

All in all, it’s a bad plan.

Next: You can’t request an altitude.

2. “I was hoping to see the Grand Canyon, but these clouds are in the way. Please, can you ask the pilot to fly a bit lower?”

This shouldn’t need to be stated — commercial flights are not the same as sightseeing tours, so when it comes to what you see out the window, you get what you get.

Next: Your plane’s slide is not a toy.

3. “So we can use the rubber slide to get off the plane, right?”

You have to wonder if this one was a joke.

It looks like lots of fun, but the inflatable slide on the plane is not there for your entertainment. You can only use the slide during an emergency evacuation — so the best you can hope for is that you’ll never know what it’s like to go down one.

Next: Go to the bank before you board the plane.

4. “Where’s the onboard cash machine?”

You can find ATMs in some strange locations, like at carnivals and concert events. But it’s almost guaranteed that you’ll never have access to your cash while cruising at 35,000 feet.

Be sure to visit the bank before you leave for your trip.

Next: Don’t concern yourself with the royal family.

5. “Can you avoid flying near Windsor Castle? The queen won’t like it.”

No word on why this particular gentleman was so concerned about the queen’s preferences, but with her crazy travel schedule, no doubt she’s used to the sounds of jet engines.

There are some airports, like John Wayne Airport in Orange County, California, that have noise abatement laws to protect residents. The queen of England does not.

Next: Loud engines can’t be avoided.

6. “Tell the captain to turn off the engines. I have a headache.”

One passenger on a flight to Milan found the sound of the plane engines a bit too loud.

He asked his flight attendant what the “dull whirring sound” was and when she told him, he requested that the pilot shut it off. Obviously, his petition was denied. Then the man threatened to file a complaint because he wasn’t properly warned how loud the engines would be.

Next: Flight attendants are not court jesters.

7. “My children are getting bored and fidgety. Is there anyone in the cabin crew that can do magic tricks?”

The flight crew is on board to keep you safe, not to entertain you (or your kids).

Next: Rich people have the weirdest habits.

8. “Can you just fly us around? We don’t really want to go anywhere.”

When you’re rich, you can ask for just about anything.

The private jet booking app JetSmarter revealed some of the weirdest things their clients requested, and one included a wealthy couple who wanted to fly in a plane without going anywhere.

The pair drank pricey cocktails, had their chef prepare exquisite foods, and got manicures and pedicures for a few hours before returning to the airport they had departed from and going back home.

Next: How dark can the plane get?

9. “Be sure to block out natural light and keep the cabin in utter darkness”

One (unnamed) celebrity requested that his or her private flight be cloaked in complete darkness for the duration. Maybe they were fighting off a hangover?

Next: You can’t just go in the cockpit.

10. “Can I sit next to the pilot during the flight, please? It’s my birthday.”

Happy birthday. The answer is no.

Next: This person was afraid of strangers.

11. “I need you to tell me who I’m next to. I hate sitting beside strangers.”

Cramming into a tiny airline seat next to a complete stranger may be awkward, but it’s certainly not the airline’s job to make introductions. Just hope that your seatmate doesn’t snore, drool, or take off their stinky shoes mid-flight. Who you sit beside is just luck of the draw.

It’s possible to sit next to Prince Harry or another member of the royal family on a flight. In that case, be sure to introduce yourself.

Next: Your seat can only face one direction.

12. “Is there any way I can sit backward like the stewardesses? I get seasick, so …”

It’s not the most bizarre request on the list, but it was denied just the same.

Next: Don’t be a pig.

13. “Can you make sure my air steward is hot? Super hot.”

Sadly, this request popped up more than one time. An elderly gentleman even complained that the flight attendants weren’t sexy enough, saying, “They were much prettier in the adverts, so the flight has not lived up to my expectations.”

Next: Nothing in life is free.

14. “Can you stock the plane with more free wine?”

Everyone wants something for free, including one group of women traveling on a budget flight who requested a wider selection of free wines, such as Champagne, to make the trip more enjoyable.

Next: Try to go for less prickly presents next time.

15. “I know it’s prickly but I can take a cactus in hand luggage? It’s a present.”

A cactus isn’t nearly the weirdest things someone has tried to sneak through airport security. But if this passenger needed a quick answer while packing, all they needed to do was reach out to a TSA agent on social media.

Read more: These Are the Secrets Your Airline Pilot Won’t Tell You

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