Weddings are a special occasion. Not only are they an excuse to drink on someone else’s bar tab all night, but they’re a reason to throw a huge celebration. And that celebration, of course, includes a wedding gift for the handsome couple. In exchange for your invitation to a free dinner, dance party, and open bar (we’re kidding, weddings are great), wedding guests are expected to return the favor by sending a special present, and hopefully, it’s one that the couple specifically requested.
Unfortunately, as we all know, this isn’t always the case. Terrible wedding gifts run the gamut of totally inappropriate to totally useless. Nonetheless, it’s pretty funny to hear about such tragic wedding gifts. So, while we honestly, truly hope that you’ve never been on the receiving end of any of these gifts, we also hope you take everything on this list as a word of caution: Never, ever give these things to a bride or groom.
9. Useless kitchen appliances that weren’t on the registry
OK, so we have to start by discussing the long-debated issue of a wedding gift registry. To go off the registry, or to not go off the registry? It’s a loaded question, but one every person must ask themselves. For most, the answer is undoubtedly no, you should not stray from the registry.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s jump right into the totally useless items nobody ever wants. An egg poacher? How lazy are you? A crepe maker? How ambitious a cook do you think the bride or groom is? And don’t even get us started on a vacuum sealer. When in doubt, keep to the registry, and leave the pointless kitchen appliances behind.
8. A monthly subscription service membership
Fancy yourself a sophisticated wine drinker? That’s great! But remember, just because you’re a fan of something doesn’t mean the newlyweds are, too. If you sign them up for a year’s worth of stuff they’re never actually going to use, it’s money down the drain. No one wants that. So stay far, far away from entering these people into a yearlong commitment of any kind, and let them get through their first year of marriage on their own terms.
7. Cleaning supplies
Any person who gives this as a present clearly thinks the couple needs a little nudge in the proper cleaning direction, eh? But not so fast. Just because you have little faith in your soon-to-be-child-in-law’s cleaning skills, that certainly doesn’t mean you have the right to send cleaning supplies their way. Maybe it’s time to back off a bit.
6. Relationship advice books
According to a handful of first-person recollections, Business Insider mentions three instances of newlyweds who weren’t exactly thrilled with their gifts. One couple, ages 30 and 32, received a relationship advice book for couples over 50, while another newlywed says a relative gave them a how-to book on converting your spouse to your religion. And yet, it gets even worse. One person admitted their uncle gifted a book on how to deal with divorce. Ouch.
5. A timeshare
If you like the sound of giving a couple a timeshare, think again. You’re basically giving them a job to do, and that’s to figure out when they’ll be able to use it. Although they didn’t pay for it, it’s still a waste of money if they don’t actually get around to taking advantage of it. So, just steer clear of any vacation-gifting, and leave the planning of their trips up to them.
4. A re-gift of any kind
“Oh look, honey, we’ve been given a monogrammed towel set with the wrong initials!” said no happy couple, ever. The last thing a newlywed couple wants to do is open a gift and wonder who it was really for. And they should never, ever be put in that awkward situation. Surely, our example is a most extreme circumstance, but you get the idea. Under no circumstances should you ever regift something as a wedding present.
3. Artwork, especially a piece you made yourself
Listen folks, not everyone has the same taste. And thank goodness, because if we did, the world would be a very boring place. So, now that you’ve come to this realization, we should have no trouble convincing you that the bride and groom do not share your same taste in artwork. Before we leave this topic altogether, we need to say one more thing. Unless you’re Bob Ross, there’s absolutely no reason you should fancy your arts and crafts project an acceptable wedding gift.
2. Highly inappropriate gifts
Apparently, Owen Wilson’s character from Wedding Crashers was right. Somewhere out there, there’s a wacky aunt at every wedding who can’t wait to gift her beloved niece or nephew a highly inappropriate present. Case in point, one person admitted that one such terribly inappropriate gift for the newlyweds — an S&M kit — did indeed come from an unassuming 65-year-old aunt. And while we’re at it, let’s stay away from lingerie and anything else that’s better left behind closed doors.
1. A bad check
While the other items on our list are godawful, at least the couple can sell or return them — for the most part, anyway. However, what happens when one of your wedding guest’s checks bounces? You’re SOL, that’s what. And on top of it all, most banks charge a fee for bounced checks, which unfortunately the payee has to front, not the person who wrote the bad check. While we’re all in favor of giving and receiving an envelope filled with money, it doesn’t get much worse than sending someone a check you’re not 100% sure will clear.
So, there you have it — gift any of these items to your friends, and run the risk of losing them forever. Or, on the flip side, maybe this is your answer for getting rid of that awful coworker — the one you can’t stand. Just saying.