Video game bosses can be glorious, memorable experiences, or they can be so annoying or difficult they make you want to crack your controller in half and give up on video games altogether — some might even be too hard for casual gamers. Most, of course, are somewhere in between.
Not these bosses. The bosses below are some of the worst creations ever dreamed up by a video game developer. If you’ve fought them, you probably remember, and you probably wish you didn’t have to go through the awful experience. These bosses are the worst.
1. Bed of Chaos, Dark Souls
Most bosses in Dark Souls are horrifying creatures straight out of your worst nightmares. But if you go up against them enough times, you’ll discover their patterns and learn how to defeat them. Bed of Chaos is a plant-like creature that sounds easy enough to defeat in theory –– you have to sneak around and whack him only three times before he dies. But hearing how to beat him and beating him, well, those are two very different things.
That’s because Bed of Chaos continually hammers at you with his long limbs and makes giant chasms in the floor right where you need to walk. And let’s face it, the game’s not exactly Mario with tight platforming controls. It’s loose and baggy. when you jump, you only have the slightest idea of where you’ll land. Bed of Chaos is no fun at all.
2. Dark Fact, Ys 1
This game, which has appeared on many different systems since its original 1989 release in Japan, is a decent action RPG. Because of its age, it’s a little dated by modern standards, but it launched a moderately successful franchise, which is really all we can ask of any game.
But fighting the final boss, Dark Fact, is basically an exercise in futility. Winning against this awful villain all but requires you to have the best gear in the game, and to throw yourself against the seemingly impossible task until your thumbs are blistered and your nerves are frayed.
Basically, he zigzags around the screen at a high speed, flinging an endless barrage of projectiles at you. Each time he hits you, a square of the floor drops away. Your best bet is to flee from him, hacking away as often as possible, and hope his health runs down before yours does. Expect to repeat the process several dozen times before you finally finish the job. What a bastard.
3. Shao Khan, Mortal Kombat 9
If you’re looking for a frustrating time, go ahead and hop into a fight with Shao Khan in Mortal Kombat 9. This skull-faced creep is one of the cheapest fighting game opponents you’re likely to face.
Not only does he continually spam the same moves over and over again, but his X-ray move leeches over half of your health if he lands it on you. Try fighting him fair and square, and you’ll end up right where you began. The only reliable method to defeat him is to fight fire with fire and spam whatever cheap moves of your own work. It’s not pretty, but it gets the job done.
4. Joker, Batman Arkham Asylum
Any boss that brings an army along is almost guaranteed to be annoying. That’s exactly what the super mutant version of Joker does at the end of Arkham Asylum.
He follows you around a circular battlefield, swinging his mutant arms at you before hopping up onto a platform and sending waves of thugs at you. These thugs are incredibly annoying, because each type requires a different set of moves to defeat. Throw in some exploding presents that fall from the sky, sporadic gunfire from the sidelines, and thugs constantly sounding an alarm to bring in reinforcements, and you’re looking at a recipe for frustration.
5. Hoyt, Far Cry 3
Not all bad bosses are bad because they’re frustrating to fight. We also have to acknowledge bosses that are no fun to fight because you don’t really fight them at all.
To start with, Far Cry 3 has an awesome villain. His name is Vaas, and he’s a total psychopath who earns your hatred by kidnapping you and your friends. But (spoilers!) thanks to some narrative surprises, you wind up fighting some dude named Hoyt in the final showdown.
The only problem? It’s not really a fight at all, at least not like the battles you’ve been engaging in throughout the rest of the game. It’s a knife fight that uses quick-time events, for no apparent reason at all. Bottom line: Hoyt is wholly unmemorable. Ubisoft should’ve stuck with Vaas.
6. Lucien Fairfax, Fable II
Another boss battle that’s easy to forget is the one against Lucien Fairfax, the shadowy villain of Fable II. He’s a great villain and an awful human being, seeing as the game starts with him murdering your young sister and shooting you so that you fall out of a high window.
Cut to the end of the game, and he’s got even more foul intentions in store for you and the world in general. With such a loathsome villain, it would be a pleasure to duke it out against him using the combat skills you’ve spent the whole game acquiring and honing. Instead, he delivers an insane monologue, and the game basically pauses until you press a button to shoot him. Once shot, Lucien falls off a platform into a deep pit, never to be heard from again. If ever there was an unsatisfying way to kill a final boss, this is it.
7. Lawrence Barrett, Deus Ex: Human Revolution
Possibly the best thing about Deus Ex: Human Revolution is that the upgrades and abilities you choose have a major affect how you play the game. It’s possible to play it like most other shooters by going in with guns blazing and spending your upgrade points to boost your weapon abilities. But if you feed your points into the stealth abilities, you can play the game almost without being seen.
The only problem with playing it stealthily is that you still have to fight bosses. Due to what must be an oversight on the developers’ part, there’s no way to get past the bosses without killing them. Which would be fine, except that specializing in stealth leaves you uniquely unequipped to do so. Fighting the first boss, Lawrence Barrett, offers a rude awakening to any players going the pacifist route, as his arm turns into a minigun, and he has an unlimited supply of grenades. Good luck.