Best Klaus Hargreeves Quotes from ‘The Umbrella Academy’

Klaus Hargreeves, the often dismissed and drug-addicted super sibling in The Umbrella Academy, boasts some of the best lines on the series. Darkly comic, sarcastic, and impressively witty, the character doesn’t stray from low blows and biting remarks. And that’s exactly why we love him.

Robert Sheehan
Robert Sheehan | Getty Images

Klaus Hargreeves, portrayed by Robert Sheehan on the Netflix original, may not be a reliable savior, but you can count on him for one thing: comic relief. Below, are some of the best Klaus Hargreeves quotes from season one. Given the impressive foundation the character has already laid, he will have to step up his game come season two.

Klaus: “Drop dead.” Ben: “Low blow!

Topping the list with pure irony, Klaus telling his brother from beyond the grave to “drop dead” is poetic, albeit a bit harsh and overly obvious. This one may have been “too easy” for some viewers’ refined taste; however, most of us aren’t beyond a solid dad joke.

“OK, well, sorry. I’m just gonna go murder mom really quick. I’ll be right back.”

After Luther suggests that one of his siblings murdered their father, Klaus – once again resorting to comedy as a means of avoidance – puts Luther in his place. While the others respond with outrage and dismay, Klaus seems almost unphased, and thus, construes the most satisfying comeback.  

“Hey, did I ever tell you guys about the time I waxed my a** with chocolate pudding?”

Just as his siblings grow convinced that he is utterly useless, Klaus comes out with this remark to prove his viability. With an apocalypse approaching, a more serious comment may have suited the dire situation, but that would not have been in line with Klaus’ character.

“I can’t just call Dad in the afterlife and be like, ‘Dad, could you just stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?'”

In this scene, Klaus simultaneously mocks the limits of his own abilities and scorns his heinous father…without sacrificing an ounce of comic absurdity. If this isn’t pure Klaus, nothing is.

Number Five: “The Future is shit by the way” Klaus: “Called It!”

A melodramatic naysayer at his finest, Klaus not only looks at his own life through a bleak lens, but he also looks at the future of mankind in the same way. In two words, he once again solidifies his clear characterization. Out of all the characters on the show, Klaus arguably boats the most fascinating narrative arc (as of now).

“Eternal Peace Is Probably Overrated”

Similar to his response to Number Five’s remark above, this quote highlights Klaus’ dark look on life, yet remains light in its delivery.

“I’d like to apologize… that you are depriving some village of their idiot!”

Responding to war veterans who, with reason, do not believe that Klaus fought in Vietnam, Klaus proves that he must have the last word before Diego throws the last punch.

On The Umbrella Academy, Klaus never fails to satisfy a viewer’s need for a little bit of biting sarcasm and a lot of attitude. Transforming from the useless sibling unable to conjure his powers to the family savior, Klaus grows throughout the season. Thus, it will be interesting to see how his jocular personality merges with his newfound importance in the upcoming seasons.