Lady Gaga: How Do You Know It’s Time to End an Engagement?
Fans were shocked after Lady Gaga announced she ended her engagement to talent agent Christian Carino. Before that, she was engaged to actor Taylor Kinney. The two dated for five years and got engaged but broke off their engagement in 2016.
How do you know when it’s best to break off an engagement with your significant other? The Cheat Sheet reached out to a few relationship experts to get their take on when it makes sense to end an engagement. Here’s what they had to say.
Your partner lies to you often
Are you engaged to someone who has difficulty being honest with you? This is a red flag you shouldn’t ignore. Dr. Dara Bushman, a licensed clinical psychologist, says frequent lying should be a deal breaker when it comes to engagement. Bushman advises steering clear of anyone who regularly lies and isn’t consistent with their stories. “A zebra does not change its stripes,” warned Bushman.
Although you might hope your partner will change in this area, don’t hold your breath. Bushman says most people won’t change after a certain point in their life:
Engagement is an ‘as is’ sale. How you meet someone and then commit in this moment is how you can expect them to be. Don’t think or expect they will change. And the proof is in the pudding. Don’t go by what they say is happening or will happen. Go by what has happened or is happening!
You have serious doubts
Lesli Doares, a marriage coach and relationship expert and author of the book, Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage: How to Create Your Happily Ever After With More Intention, Less Work, says you should consider ending an engagement if you’re not sure you’re on the right path. Any lingering questions should be addressed before you tie the knot:
Some signs you should break off an engagement is anything that makes you question if this is the right path. Sometimes it’s about not feeling safe or accepted for who you are or thinking that marriage will “fix” any holes in the relationship. My down and dirty test is if it’s not a definite, enthusiastic, heartfelt ‘yes,’ then it’s a no—at least for now.
Marriage is enough of a challenge when both people are fully committed. There was a survey a while back that said 30% of women knew they shouldn’t marry their partner before the wedding but went through with it anyway. I had a male client who did the same thing and left his wife after six weeks of marriage. As painful as breaking off an engagement is, it’s nothing compared to the cost, both emotional and financial, of going through years of unhappiness and/or a divorce.
Your significant other is involved in toxic relationships
Don’t forget to think about your future spouse’s family and friends. Does this person have any toxic relationships? If he or she does, relationship expert April Masini says it will likely affect you and your relationship:
If your partner has a toxic relationship with an adult child or an ex with whom they share a child, beware. In-laws and children (as well as exes with whom your partner may share children) can all create deal breakers for you. So, if you see any abuse or abuse being condoned, in these relationships, it’s time to break off the engagement.
In addition, finances are a big issue for couples, and it’s easy to overlook money in a relationship when there’s not time to see how you and your partner handle saving, spending, potential retirement planning, estate planning, bill paying, etc. When you see a partner who is super stingy, you may want to end things. If someone is stingy with a waiter or waitress, that’s insight into their character.
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