Late Night TV Hosts and Stormy Daniel’s Interview Recap
In the oddest case we’ve seen since the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, we have a president accused of having an affair with a porn star. The actress, Stormy Daniels, has claimed that she was paid $130,000 in hush money by Donald Trump’s lawyer, Gary Cohn, to keep quiet about an affair they had in 2006.
The best part is that this has given late night TV shows a bunch of material to run with. Some of it just writes itself.
Some jokes are just too easy not to make
Donald Trump is known for putting his name on everything. The only thing he didn’t put his name on was the non-disclosure agreement that his lawyer had drawn up to pay Stormy Daniels off and keep her quiet. By not doing that, all five of the big late-night hosts took advantage of that perfect material. It’s only natural that they all made the same joke, but Stephen Colbert really took the cake with the best burn.
Naturally, Colbert points out that he didn’t sign the hush agreement but found it odd that “this is the thing that Donald Trump thought was too sketchy to put his name on.” Colbert goes on to ask why he thought it was okay to put it on “Trump University or … Don Jr.”
Next: Fake names are for porn stars, not the president.
Donald Trump used a pseudonym in the confidential agreement
Everyone knows that most porn stars don’t use their real names in their career. The reason for that is because porn stars need privacy in their personal lives. The culture of shame around porn extends beyond the page and film. Stormy Daniels real name is Stephanie Clifford. So for contracts, she uses that name for legal purposes. Except for the hush money contract where she used another pseudonym named Peggy Peterson.
For some reason, the president wanted to have his own fake name in the contract. The question is: Why did Donald Trump use a pseudonym? More importantly, if he used one, why did it say his real name first?
Seth Meyers gives credit where credit is due. Donald Trump does have the “best fake name that a president has ever had.” That is all well and good except for the fact that “it is the only fake name a president has ever had.” No other president is known to have a fake name. Seth Meyers points out that Lincoln didn’t go by “Stovepipe Jones.”
Next: Jimmy Kimmel actually had Stormy Daniels on his show.
Kimmel tried desperately to get some details out of her
Stormy is tied up in a lot of legal webbing that is prohibiting her from talking about any of the details. So Jimmy Kimmel thought of some pretty clever workarounds where she could speak freely. If you remember from the Trump campaign trail when he claimed he had “no problem,” in reference to the size of his … hands, then you appreciate Jimmy Kimmel’s attempt to learn the truth about his claim.
Jimmy Kimmel never asks Stormy about that claim, but merely provides her some options to choose from. It’s a few carrots, all different lengths. All Stormy has to do is choose one to tell us the truth. The result isn’t what you’d expect, but the gag is still pretty funny.
Next: Apparently Donald Trump isn’t much in the sack.
Trump isn’t great in bed
We all kind of expected it. He’s an old man who has probably never been given honest feedback about his performance his entire life. One of Stormy Daniels claims is that Donald Trump’s love-making is “textbook generic.” To be fair, if there was ever a person who has the right to judge your coitus skills, a porn star is the one to do it.
Yes, Stormy Daniels thinks that Trump’s love-making skills are “textbook generic.” The textbook is described by Colbert as “Mating Habits of Elderly Mammals.” Beyond all of that, the story still gets more unhinging as it unfolds.
Next: There are rumors that there are naked photos of Donald Trump.
Stormy Daniels may have naked photos of Trump
It doesn’t matter what side of the political aisle you’re on, that is just plain disgusting. Everyone has boundaries, comedians are the same. Take a look at how James Cordon reacted to that knowledge.
James Cordon takes a few tries at saying the statement “if there are naked photos of Donald Trump …,” while preventing himself from puking on the ground. Eventually, he gets through it a begs that “they can go ahead and stay hushed.” We agree, James … we agree.
Next: Keeping track of what’s going on is really hard.
Here’s the most concise break down we could find
The whole story is pretty hard to follow. There are a lot of details that get lost in the cracks. Seth Meyers was able to give a hilarious recap of what has surfaced so far.
The whole affair is one thing, but it turns out that the payment may have violated campaign finance laws. So this whole sorted affair has serious legal ramifications. What those are, we can’t begin to speculate on. But we can watch other late night hosts hilariously speculate on what a divorce might look like.
Next: There’s never been a divorce in the White House, but the reality could be pretty funny.
What if Melania divorced Donald?
Most people will leave their spouse in the event of infidelity. So, you have to wonder what the divorce would look like for a sitting president. If you ever thought that celebrity divorces were hard to watch, just imagine Donald and Melania’s divorce going down. That would get more attention than the British royal family.
Trevor Noahs imagines what that would look like. He wonders if there were some way that Melania would get the White House in the divorce. The sad cliche of the ex-husband living out of a hotel room becomes insanely absurd when it’s the president.
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