Stephen Colbert Shares Self-Isolation Tips From His Bathtub During Coronavirus ‘Late Show’

Stephen Colbert hosted The Late Show on March 16 from his home. He delivered his monologue from his bathtub, and it was all about tips for staying safe during the novel coronavirus (COVID-19) outbreak. The Late Show is practicing self-isolation, but Colbert is using his platform to offer the home viewer tips.

Stephen Colbert before self-isolation | Scott Kowalchk/CBS

“Hey everybody, welcome to my bathroom,” Colbert began. “I’m your host Stephen Colbert. You’re watching a very special social distancing edition of The Late Show or as I now call it The Lather Show with Scrubbin’ Colbert.” Here are Colbert’s tips, and The Late Show still airs weeknights at 11:35 p.m. on CBS.

Stephen Colbert is staying sanitized in self-isolation

Colbert sat in a full bathtub wearing his usual business suit, which you could just make out behind all the bubbles.

“If you’ll notice I’m in my bathing suit and I’m coming to you from a secret ultra secure tub,” Colbert said. “I was going to use my rich person bunker but it turns out the guys from Parasite are living down there. Really nice folks.”

Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert and Coyote Peterson | Scott Kowalchk/CBS

Colbert reiterated that avoiding contact with other people was vital, still with his trademark humor.

“Way ahead of you,” Colbert said. “I’ve been avoiding human contact since before it was cool.”

Stephen Colbert explains flattening the curve

The reason health officials and governments are advising people to self-isolate is to slow the spread of coronavirus while they deal with existing cases. Colbert put it in layman’s terms.

“This is a freaky, freaky time, I’ll give you that,” Colbert said. “If you’re watching this from home right now know that you’re doing the right thing. I’m at home. Every member of my staff is home because we need to slow the spread of this virus. Epidemiologists call this flattening the curve. But based on my current level of inactivity and stress baking, I definitely won’t be flattening my curves.”

Colbert demonstrated the curve on a graph.

Late Show with Stephen Colbert
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert | Scott Kowalchk/CBS

“Flattening the curve refers to this graph right here that illustrates the spread of the coronavirus,” Colbert showed. “If we all stay at home and keep our distance, we won’t get this huge spike right here in the number of people getting sick all at once. You will however see a huge spike however in the number of people finally cleaning their stoves.”

There are already more patients waiting to be tested than there are coronavirus tests available. Hospitals are overcrowded, so we are dangerously close to the curve.

“The important thing is to keep the number of cases below this dotted line,” Colbert said. “That is the line at which our entire health are system becomes overwhelmed. At that point people might have to stay at home and treat themselves, then mail themselves an $8,000 medical bill.”

How long will self-isolation last?

If you’re already starting to go stir crazy in self-isolation, Colbert has some ironic words of comfort. President Trump estimates this will only last until July or August.

“That sounds bad but keep in mind, he did not specicy which year,” Colbert joked.

Still, Colbert has faith in the American people.

“The point is at this time of national peril, we all have to do our part and by do I mean don’t,” Colbert said. “We all have to don’t our part and there is no country more prepared for that than the USA. Turns out Americans weren’t lazy couch potatoes this whole time. All that sitting on our asses and watching TV was actually training to save the world.”