Terrence Howard Proposes to Mira Pak: When Should You Reconsider a Divorce?
Deciding whether to get divorced or stay married is a tough choice. Even celebrities have a tough time making a decision when it comes to matters of the heart. One example is actor Terrence Howard, who recently proposed to his ex-wife Mira Pak. When should you re-consider a divorce? If you’re already divorced, does it ever make sense to remarry? If you’re thinking about a divorce, are there instances when you should take a step back and think twice?
The Cheat Sheet spoke with Dr. Monika Kreinberg, a licensed marriage and family therapist. Here’s what Kreinberg had to say.
The Cheat Sheet: In which situations should you reconsider getting a divorce?
Monika Kreinberg: Nowadays, getting a divorce is easier than staying married. First, I would say that people need to try to reconcile and try to make things work. That being said, they might not be able to do this alone. Seeing a therapist is advised, a person who can offer some perspective.
I recommend getting a divorce when there is disrespect and any type of long-term physical or mental abuse. Yes, people can heal from that, but they also need time to heal alone. It is very unlikely their partner will change in just a few months. I also think if there are ongoing affairs from one partner and this is not something that is agreed upon by the other partner, then divorce is recommended. The cheating partner will most likely not change unless there is a huge crisis in the relationship.
CS: If you decide to stay, what are some ground rules you should set for the relationship going forward?
MK: It is important to get outside help. Couples therapy can be very beneficial. It shines a light on the couple and lets them understand each person’s responsibility in the relationship. It also uncovers why people react the way they do, and often it may not be directly linked to their partner but to their childhood.
CS: What are some do’s and don’ts when it comes to reconciling after almost getting divorced?
MK: Do take time to listen and make sure what your partner is actually telling you. Don’t wait for someone to change, change should come from you first. Don’t expect too much. Focus on the positives and the small differences. Think back on why you fell in love with the person in the first place. Forgive; everyone makes mistakes. Build your sense of self. Only when you are true to yourself, can you be the best version of you with someone else.
CS: What are some clear signs you should proceed with a divorce?
MK: Violence. Any type of violence should be a reason to divorce. Other reasons:
- When there is no respect for the other person or what the other person thinks.
- When you are in love with someone else.
- When you expect the other person to become someone they are not.
CS: Anything to add?
MK: Relationships are tough. They take work and patience. Don’t give up at the first sign of unhappiness. Remember that each person carries their past with them. If you don’t work through those skeletons in the closet, they will always follow you.
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