‘The Bachelorette’: Kaitlyn Bristowe Opens Up About Being Addicted to Valium

Kaitlyn Bristowe is a Bachelorette darling for her sharp tongue and ability to go after what she wants. Even after her stint as the Bachelorette, fans have still kept up with her and her Off the Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe podcast has become wildly popular. She’s currently in a relationship with Bachelorette alum Jason Tartick. On the outside, it looks like Bristowe has a picture-perfect life. But as we know, all that glitters is not gold and Bristowe actually had a rough past where she dealt with addiction and depression.

Kaitlyn Bristowe
Kaitlyn Bristowe | Nicole Weingart/E! Entertainment/NBCU Photo Bank/NBCUniversal via Getty Images

Kaitlyn Bristowe opens up about her past

Bristowe is always open and honest on her podcast, but now she is taking that a step further in a new YouTube series called Nine to Wine.

In the first video, she detailed the depression that she went through in her twenties. It was brought on by a breakup with a serious boyfriend. Bristowe had put so much into the relationship, even moving to Germany to be with him, that she felt lost without it. She, then, had to move back in with her mom.

“When I say I lost myself, that is an understatement,” Bristowe said. “I think I had out-of-body experiences in Germany. Where I was a child and I was screaming and kicking on the floor, bawling my eyes out. It was like I was looking down on myself, going, ‘Why are you behaving this way? This is not who you are, get up off the floor.’ And I couldn’t.

“I was just a shell of myself,” she said.

Kaitlyn’s addiction

Bristowe eventually realized something was wrong and decided to see someone. The doctor that she saw gave her Valium and an antidepressant.

“I was open to being on [the antidepressant], but Valium I had never really known what that was or what it would do to me,” Bristowe she said. The drug helped numb the pain that she was in.

“I didn’t feel anything. I got to sleep, I got to not feel my feelings, and that felt great to me,” she said.

She quickly became hooked.

“I had become addicted to Valium, and I was about 93 pounds,” she said. “And that was when somebody had to shake me and say, ‘You can’t live like this. This is not you.'”

How did Kaitlyn get clean?

Eventually, she got tired of living in a haze and realized she couldn’t do it anymore.

“I was sick of being numb,” she said. “I wanted to feel feelings again. I wanted to go back to Vancouver and get a job and start over and meet people and get out. So I did.”

Looking back on her depression and how a breakup spiraled her into an addiction, Bristowe has advice for young girls.

“I always think if I could go back to my 27-year-old self and talk to her, I would say, ‘You can’t let anyone be responsible for your own happiness. That is up to you,'” she said. “And now I can say that because I’m in a loving, fulfilling, happy relationship. But 27-year-old Kaitlyn was just starting to learn that and figure that out.”