‘This Is Us’: Why Isn’t Toby at the Birthday Party? Fans Think They Know the Answer

The fall finale left This Is Us fans’ heads spinning with its usual blend of emotion, surprise, and bewilderment. One of the shocks came during a glimpse of the Big Three’s 40th birthday party. Kate is there for the celebration – but Toby is not.

Speculation is rife about where he could be and why. There have been hints of problems between the two for a while, so is this a hint that they’ve split up? Here’s what we know and what fans are thinking.

Things are tense between Kate and Toby

Chris Sullivan on the Build series
Chris Sullivan | Gary Gershoff/Getty Images

While Kate is struggling to find her footing as a new mom of a special needs baby, Toby has found a new passion for Crossfit. He’s excited and preoccupied with working out, so it’s only natural for Kate to feel somewhat left behind. 

Toby also wanted to be there for baby Jack’s first time eating solid food. Kate promised to wait, but then her neighbor and walking buddy Gregory spooned some avocado in Jack’s mouth, and he loved it! Kate kept that moment to herself, but then (for some reason) blurted it out to Toby later. Toby was upset that he missed that milestone after all.

Is Toby involved with someone else?

 Of course, the real gut-punch came when Kate saw that Toby was texting with someone named “LadyKryptonite5”. It seems as though he’s complaining about Kate, and his text friend responds, “Don’t let her bring you down. Here for you.” 

Some fans on Reddit want to believe that LadyKryptonite5 isn’t even a woman, and Toby could be venting about something other than his relationship with Kate. One commenter said hopefully, “I think this LadyKryptonite is a man. Like this whoever this person is they’re kryptonite for ladies. It seems very on-brand for Toby.”

Unfortunately, executive producer Isaac Aptaker seems to shoot that theory down in an interview with Entertainment Weekly.

“We’ve ended Kate and Toby in a really scary place in the middle of the season. She’s found these texts where he’s complaining about their marriage and there’s this mysterious woman weighing in and offering him counsel,” he said about the couple at the end of the fall finale. It sounds pretty serious.

Where is Toby at the birthday party?

With all of this going on between Toby and Kate, fans noticed right away that Toby wasn’t at the 40th birthday party. The party takes place nine months after Thanksgiving, which was when Kate saw the text on Toby’s phone. You’d expect a sensitive soul like Toby to be at his wife’s side to celebrate her birthday, but he’s nowhere to be seen. Does this mean they are getting a divorce?

Eagle-eyed viewers noticed that Kate was wearing her wedding ring, suggesting that they’re not divorced. However, people also noticed something when the police brought Rebecca to the cabin. She’d been lost, and Kate signed the release papers from the police. She seemed to sign her last name as “Pearson.” 

This may mean that Kate has already divorced Toby and gone back to using her maiden name. Then again, did Kate ever change her name after marrying Toby? 

Fans hope these two can work things out. They’ve been through so much together, and now they have a beautiful little boy. 

It seems that we’ll find out pretty quickly once the series resumes in January. Aptaker said, “When we come back in January, we’re going to right away deal with the aftermath of Kate discovering LadyKryptonite5 and trying to figure out what the hell that’s all about and who this woman is.”

This Is Us fans can’t wait to see what comes next.