There are two types of clothes in your closet: The versatile investment pieces that you’ll be able to pass down to your future son and the apparel and accessories that make you ask yourself, “What was I thinking?” Anyone with a pulse on fashion knows that the biggest trends are cyclical; however, some fads are so awful that we are praying they never see the light of day again. Don’t blame yourself: When you see racks and racks of zip-off pants or your favorite celeb sporting the latest “it” trend, it’s easy to hop on the bandwagon. But now may be a good time to clean out your closet and get rid of some of your less admirable clothing purchases. Read on for five pieces that are no longer in style.
1. Graphic T-shirts
Once upon a time, when mall stores like Hollister and Abercrombie & Fitch ruled everyday style, tight graphic tees were a big deal. Some were innocent enough and featured a Coca-Cola logo or the Superman “S.” Others acted as sartorial pick-up lines with cheeky phrases like “Sweet Talker” or “Gettin’ Lucky in Kentucky.” No matter what those shirts — that we hope are tucked away in the depths of your dresser drawer — say, get rid of them. Immediately. These tops are kind of like the weird co-worker you have who insists that you call him Bolt instead of Billy: awkward, forced, and bound to make everyone a little uncomfortable. Instead, opt for a regular T-shirt: A versatile black or white tee will offer more mileage and no awkward double takes. If a simple solid shirt is simply too boring for you, up the ante with a striped top.
2. Sweater vests
It doesn’t take a genius to know that the TV world and real world are very different. A spacious studio apartment in the West Village for an aspiring actor is about as unlikely as the hot girl having eyes on a group of friends’ token nerd. Sartorially speaking, some fashion moments happen on the small screen that would never fly in reality. Case in point: Chandler and his bountiful collection of sweater vests. On Friends, the crew’s funny guy looks like your average, unassuming adult. In actuality, could he be anymore of a walking faux pas? Unless you’re a charming, 70-year-old gentleman, do yourself a favor and forgo the vests. In our opinion, sporting this to any event from work to a first date will either immediately age you five to 10 years or have you looking as if your mom styled your outfit. Either way, no go. But that doesn’t mean you should write off all layerable sweaters as a fashion pariah: Sporty half-zips are a great alternative.
3. Anything logo-mania
We’re going to let you in on a little secret: Nobody cares if your sweatshirt is from Gap or Chanel. So why sport a garment with the brand’s name plastered right across the chest? In the early aughts, logo-adorned pieces were all the rage, but now? They’re just obnoxious. Now you may be wondering what the difference is between graphic T-shirts and logo-ed apparel, so allow us to give you a quick lesson: Graphic tees can be awkward, but pieces adorned with flashy brand names tend to be materialistic and read as if you are bragging about shelling out hundreds of dollars for a Hermès belt. And since we doubt you want to be labeled an arrogant snob, toss out those logo-ed pieces (especially that Ed Hardy hat from 2004) and opt for logo-free pieces instead. If you’re looking to pick up some extra cash, try selling these at a consignment store.
4. Velcro sandals
When you didn’t know how to tie your shoes, Velcro sneakers were awesome. In your boyish mind, they were easy to slip on and off, plus they made that cool ripping sound with each tug. Sometime between your childhood and adulthood, you most likely had a (not-so) brief run-in with Velcro sandals. Please, for the love of the fashion gods above, burn these shoes already. Sure, womenswear brands like Prada and Marni presented their own takes on the typical Velcro sandal a few seasons ago, but we hope that you stayed clear from any menswear iterations. Not only are you old enough to tie, buckle, and zip your own kicks, you’re also hopefully wise enough to realize that these are downright ugly. Upgrade your sandal game by investing in a cool Birkenstock-esque style or pair of espadrilles.
5. Baggy jeans
Sometimes, a little bag to a pair of jeans can be a good thing. After all, who wants to live in a world where people only wear ultra-tailored pants? Not us, for starters. But when your pants are baggy on an MC Hammer-level and/or need a miracle belt to keep them in place? You’re in trouble. If you had any fashion freedom in the late 1980s and early ’90s, we’re sure that you dabbled in super voluminous pants hanging way past your waistline. Luckily, we are thrilled to announce that this trend is so, so over. Unless you’re keeping these with the intent of a great throwback Halloween costume, these gigantic pants belong in the trash or fabric bin.
Follow Kelsey on Twitter @KMulvs