Sex can be a sticky subject, and though people around the globe have been having it since the beginning of time, it doesn’t come without its woes. Whether you’re a bachelor who swears by one-night stands, or you’re happily married to the love of your life, certain insecurities, fears, and emotions are bound to surface at some point, with at least one partner, during the course of your love-making lifetime. We chatted with the experts to bring you four common fears men have about sex — after all, you might be in good company.
1. Being overly exposed
When asked about the subject, Aniesa M. Schneberger, MA, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, first discussed intimacy as more than just sex, saying, “The majority of the fear of intimacy comes from being overly exposed. Men often fear that practicing intimacy makes them too vulnerable or un-masculine — which is a common misconception. Working towards a place where a man feels confident and vulnerable is important for building intimacy.”
2. Inability to perform
According to Philip Werthman, M.D., urologist and director of the Center for Male Reproductive Medicine and Vasectomy Reversal in Los Angeles:
Certain men have fears of intimacy and performance anxiety that can lead to ED. These can be based on self-esteem issues and/or prior negative experiences. An episode of erectile dysfunction or a single poor performance can heighten anxiety and lead to fears during future encounters. This can then escalate and spiral. Anxiety and stress are some of the most common reasons for situational ED. One of the reasons why a single dose of Viagra or Cialis can cure ED is because once a man sees that he doesn’t have to worry about performance and can take a pill, the anxiety melts away and they then no longer need the help and go back to having good erections.
Dr. Michael J. Trombley, M.D., Physicians E.D. Center Medical Director, says:
Many men come to me with worries and concerns about how their erectile dysfunction is affecting their partner or loved one. Restoring your ability to function for sexual activity can quickly make a huge improvement in your relationship with your partner. When a man avoids sexual relations, his mate may feel either unloved or unattractive, making her unhappy. Also, many of our patients who have specific health issues like prostate cancer or diabetes carry an especially high risk of Erectile Dysfunction, so their worries center around not being able to get and maintain a suitable erection. This is why I love what our doctors do and the fact that we are able to help them get their sex lives back using custom blended prescription medication.
3. Financial instability
According to Tina B. Tessina, PhD, (aka “Dr. Romance”) psychotherapist and author of Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences: “He worries that he isn’t financially stable before popping the question, and about being able enough to provide for the woman he loves. He worries about not having a strong career path and how it will impact his relationship and the way his partner sees him. He worries he’ll lose his partner if he loses his job or income.”
4. Bad breath
Dr. Kyle Stanley, DDS, a cosmetic and implant dentist in Beverly Hills, CA, explains a common fear men have about intimacy:
Perhaps the most common, but hidden, fear men have in intimate situations is having bad breath — halitosis. Many men (and women) are overly self-conscious about their breath, and this can haunt them when things start to get hot and heavy, or even worse, cause them to avoid intimate situations altogether. The fear is not irrational, though, as actually having bad breath is definitely a turn-off. Thankfully, bad breath is typically preventable with regular brushing, flossing, and regular professional cleanings.