When a breakup happens, most of us, no matter the circumstances of the breakup, are sent into a downward spiral. Picking ourselves up after a breakup and wanting to get back into the dating world can be a grueling process. Many of us may have a moment or two where we think: Isn’t it just better to be alone?
But even as you start to heal and feel OK again, you might be hesitant to delve back into the dating world. You think: “Why would I want to go out and get back into another relationship mess and do this all over again?” Why, you ask? Having a positive attitude toward it all can be very hard, but it’s the only way you’ll be able to find “the one.” That said, there is no need to drive full force into another relationship or jump back into the dating pool head first. Take your time and ease back into it when you’re ready to. Go easy on yourself. Here are a few steps to take to ease yourself back into dating after a breakup.
1. Go crazy
This doesn’t mean ransack your house or run through the streets screaming; it means to have fun. After a breakup, sometimes your insides are just itching to let yourself go and enjoy life. Do what makes you feel good as a responsible adult. Then let it go. Psychology Today notes in the weeks following a breakup you’re more likely to “go crazy” while trying to regain your emotional stability. Give yourself a brief opportunity to let loose, and then go back to being a responsible adult.
2. Don’t talk to your ex
This is the most counterintuitive thing you can do, even if you deeply miss him or her and want to know how they’re doing. Talking to your ex will make it impossible for you to move on and meet the right person. In fact, in order to properly heal, life coach and professional speaker Christine Hassler suggests that you should stop all contact with your ex for at least six months after the breakup. This includes all forms of contact — in person, over the phone, email, texting, etc.
3. Invest in yourself
Sometimes when you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you begin to let yourself slip away and slack. “Now is your time to reinvest in yourself. Take a pizza making class, attend a wine tasting, or go on a weekend yoga retreat… these fun activities both lift your spirits and make you more interesting when meeting new people,” says Alex Furmansky, founder of Sparkology, the invite-only dating site for young professionals to the Huffington Post.
4. Accept your mistakes
Accepting your mistakes is the sign of a very mature and level-headed person. No relationship is perfect and nor are the prospective parties who were in the relationship (meaning you). Whoever is to blame for the demise of the relationship, just accept it as it is. Denial won’t help anything, nor will dwelling on it if you did wrong, for instance, if you cheated. The best thing you can do is try and learn from it, and not do it again in your next relationship.
In learning from your mistakes, this also means that when you eventually start to date again that you should try not to date someone who resembles your ex, be it in stature or personality, as this can not only remind you of old times, both good and bad, stunting your ability to find happiness and move on for good. Also, if you date someone similar, you’ll constantly be comparing them and you won’t give a newer person a chance they truly deserve, says Bella Acton, founder of NeverLikedItAnyway, the place to sell gifts from once-loved lovers.
5. Be willing to start over
Knowing how much you’ve loved and lost can be so painful that the thought of ever having to go through it again can leave you a heartless and cold man. Don’t let yourself be. At the end of the day, every person has their baggage, and as time goes on you learn to live with yours and eventually love that it’s a part of who you are. In short, you can’t start over again if you don’t allow yourself to. Happiness means letting go and being able to laugh at all the rough stuff, even when you’re hurting inside. It gets better.