It’s no surprise to hear that men and women are wired differently and that men are not always the best communicators. Writer Brendan Tapley for Women’s Day described precisely why it’s difficult for men to communicate to women what they wish women knew about them: “But here’s the single biggest thing women don’t get about men: Masculinity is a complicated performance we agree to in order to be seen as men. Unfortunately, that performance is more designed to conceal than reveal us.”
Men, to make your lives enormously easier, we here at The Cheat Sheet have complied a list of things that we know you want to tell your ladies, so they can finally understand just a little bit more about you. We’ve done the hard part for you, all you have to do is send this along to her. Simple as that. Here are six things that men wish women knew about them.
1. Men like compliments too every once and a while
Men are quick to compliment their ladies, because they know that a woman never, ever gets tired of hearing that she’s beautiful. Tapley points out that there’s a misconception that “real guys” don’t need praise or a compliment about how good they look in a pair of jeans or a fitted jacket that shows off their assets, thinking that this is a “girlish” need. Not necessarily. “But the truth is, men enjoy a little well-intentioned objectification,” Tapley says. A little physical objectification from your lady reminds you of what attracted her to you in the first place. Although, Tapley points out, that it doesn’t just have to be in relation to something physical, it can also be something that “masculinity tends to belittle.” For example, if a man is a good father or a caring husband, or even if he’s a good cook, tell him.
2. Men struggle with visual temptation
Because like all human beings, men are not only imperfect but visual creatures. Author, speaker, and newspaper columnist Shaunti Feldhahn, after interviewing over 1,000 men for her book For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men, she recounted to CBN this universal truth among most men: They struggle with visual temptation. Although this is not an incredibly big reveal, because if you simply use the computer or a dating site or even read the newspaper you’ll know this is a big ‘ol Duh. Feldhahn says that the vast majority of men respond to visual images of women. This is not so much in reference to guys with wandering eyes, rather the the typical man who cannot avoid looking at a woman who dresses in a way that draws attention to her body. It’s appreciation, it’s lust, and desire and it’s completely natural.
3. Sometimes men are insecure and act full of themselves in defense
Writer Frank Kobola for Cosmopolitan says that a lot of men, as a front for insecurity may come across as “egocentric douchebags or complete creepers” if they’re trying to hit on a woman at a bar or elsewhere, but are just very nervous about not trying to come off as “stammering idiots.” On the other hand, for men that are in couples, Feldhahn says that a lot of men are afraid that they’re just not cutting it in life — be it at work, at home, or even in their role as a husband or provider (just as women tend to think the same way — shocking). Of course, men may never vocalize this and keep themselves secretly vulnerable. The simple cure for this Feldhahm says is affirmation. “To men, affirmation from their wives is everything,” she says. “When they receive regular and genuine affirmation from their wives (not flattery, by the way), they become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives.”
4. Men can commit, but the first commitment is to themselves
Tapley says that one of the biggest complaints by women in general is that men don’t commit. According to Tapley, men are raised to believe that a successful life hinges on self-fulfillment. “Relationships, at first glance, seem to impinge on that. They make men nervous that the pursuit of happiness will become the path of missed opportunity. But men do come around to understand that true self-fulfillment depends on fulfilling another,” says Tapley. This is along the lines that you can’t be happy with someone else until you can fully be happy with yourself and concentrate on your own self-fulfillment, as well as your passions. It’s about maintaining a healthy balance of taking care of yourself and pursing your lady love as a component to your overall happiness.
Kobola seconds that sentiment. Men are not afraid of commitment, and if men in general didn’t want to eventually get married, then they wouldn’t be spending years falling in love with their ladies.
5. Men want women to be more aggressive and communicative in the bedroom
No secret here that men want sex, but they also want a woman who can take the wheel and the pressure off them, as it’s so ingrained in our societal consciousness that men should be the aggressors. Writer Bob Alaburda for YourTango says that there are a few key things that he wishes women knew when it comes to in-between the sheets play. First, men want women to take control once in a while. “The guy is generally expected to be the aggressor/dominant one in a sexual encounter. Turning this around on him is an exciting way to keep him on his toes and even help him out if he’s tired,” says Alaburda.
Second, communication is very, very important when it comes to sex. “Don’t let us waste 5 minutes doing something that’s not working for anybody. Sex isn’t the time to be shy and polite. Tell us what’s working or what you need, and everyone will be happier.” Adding to that sentiment that, Alaburda notes that one of the sexiest moves in the bedroom is enthusiasm, and it can be accomplished in the form of dirty talk. Lastly, if your lady is in the mood but you’re not showing you are, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want it. Women can initiate. “Sex may not be on our mind until you put it there,” says Alaburda.
6. Men are brutally honest because they care
Men’s honesty is sometimes the reason why they make their ladies so angry, but it may be time for women to rethink their reactions to male candor. Tapley says that men tend to lie and obfuscate with people they have little to no interest in, which is often the way they get through the day. So, in other words, a woman may want to consider it a privilege if a man is upfront with her, because he respects her enough to be upfront and honest. “We want to tell you why your mother bothers us and how you can solve the problem with your high-maintenance friend. In a relationship, honesty is a young man’s mistake because the longer a man feels punished for it, the more he begins to censor himself. And that’s when you really need to worry,” says Tapley.
Here’s another complete list from Men’s Health if you want to know more.