There are plenty of reasons to stop using Facebook. Giant corporations use it to track you. Your private messages aren’t actually private. It’s easy to post things you shouldn’t. The kind of data aggregation Facebook enables can have negative effects the next time you apply for a job, a credit card, or an insurance policy. And then there are all the obnoxious people you have to deal with each time you scroll through your News Feed.
Read on to check out some of the most obnoxious offenses. And if you’ve encountered them in the wild, you have our sympathy.
1. Oversharing all the gory details of their relationship
Upon entering a new relationship, some Facebook users immediately begin updating their network with a blow-by-blow account of every date and conversation they have with their new significant other. Even worse, they make thinly veiled comments about their sex life. Nobody actually asked for those details. But the offender rarely notices the lack of enthusiasm surrounding those posts. So they continue.
2. Having conversations they should save for text messages
We’ve all seen couples who don’t seem to realize Facebook posts aren’t the best place to conduct every conversation. They might post on each other’s timelines about how much they love one another. Sometimes they use Facebook posts to make plans or collaborate on a grocery list. You know these posts when you see them. You’ll inevitably be left wondering whether this couple is oblivious to the existence of Facebook Messenger, text messaging, and every other messaging platform on the planet.
3. Posting ‘goodnight’ messages on each other’s timelines
This might be another symptom of obliviousness to alternate forms of communication. (We aren’t entirely sure yet.) Couples who insist on posting “goodnight” messages on each other’s Facebook timelines are a special breed of annoying. We understand long distance relationships are hard. But wouldn’t it be better to talk about it, you know, on the phone? Can’t you just say goodnight via a private message?
4. Appending super cheesy captions to all of their photos
We don’t mind seeing cute photos of a couple, whether they’re a new item or have been together for years. (We’re not monsters.) But aside from a few select occasions — anniversaries, engagements, and weddings — we don’t want to read the incredibly cheesy captions too many couples append to their photos. Just keep things short and sweet, so we can all move on with our lives.
5. Adding tons of dumb comments to their own photos
A similar problem occurs when couples go on and on adding comments to their own photos. We don’t want to see you mock-arguing about who loves the other person more, listing all of the things you love about your partner, or just adding meaningless remarks.
6. Posting selfies taken while kissing
Let’s talk about the most annoying kind of photo a couple could ever post: the selfie taken while kissing. These are rarely flattering photos (unless both parties have the sort of jawlines that look great from every angle). The person who’s taking the photo nearly always looks distracted. Just about everybody who sees this kind of photo feels a little bit embarrassed for the couple in question. Overall, it’s just not a good look for anyone who wants to appear mature and of sound judgment.
7. Adding sappy hashtags to every post
We find it hard to believe anybody actually searches relationship hashtags, such as #couple, #cute, #love, #datingmybestfriend, and #lovemyhubby. So why are couples still using them? Why do they always have to be added in a block of at least a half dozen or more? We have so many questions, and it doesn’t seem like we’ll be getting answers anytime soon.
8. Bragging to the world about how great their partner is
We all have Facebook friends who seem to have no restraint in bragging to the world about how their significant others are fantastic cooks, great parents, awesome people, and so on. The problem is everybody in a couple’s Facebook network probably already knows they love each other. We really don’t need it continuously spelled out.
9. Getting into arguments
Facebook arguments are a sight to behold when they involve friends — or even strangers — arguing about movies, celebrities, politics, or whatever else they’ve chosen to debate. But it’s just embarrassing when the people arguing are in a relationship. It doesn’t even matter whether the topic is something trivial or significant. We’d all be slowly backing away from a couple yelling at each other in real life. Why wouldn’t we do the same thing on Facebook?
10. Sharing an account
There’s a special circle of hell reserved for couples who think it’s a good idea to share a Facebook account. We always have questions when we actually spot this rare bird in the wild. How did you decide to share an account? Did one of you delete the account you had when you were single? Who gets the account if you break up? And how did you decide whose birthday is listed on your profile? (You both don’t really have the same birthday, do you?)
11. Celebrating their anniversary every month
Unless they’re in middle school, most people celebrate their anniversaries annually, not monthly. It gets very annoying when people insist on telling the world when another month has elapsed, and they still haven’t driven off their significant other.
12. Commenting on every single photo of one another
Whether it’s possession or obsession, there are some Facebook users who can’t stop themselves from commenting on every photo of their significant other. They’ll even comment on photos of their partner hanging out with friends they haven’t met. Some people seem to do this so everybody knows their partner is taken. Others just can’t pass up the opportunity to get their significant other’s attention. Either way, it looks pretty sad and desperate.
13. Counting down to relationship milestones
We never cease to be annoyed by updates that count down to relationship milestones. Sure, we get it when people are a week away from a wedding and excited for the big day to arrive. But then there’s counting down the days to a random anniversary or letting everybody know a year has elapsed since some event that’s meaningful only to you and your significant other. Those aren’t the countdowns that we’re excited to see in our News Feeds.
14. Breaking up and getting back together repeatedly and publicly
We all know (or have known) at least one of these couples. They’re the kind who argue irrationally, break up publicly, and then reunite with a fit of sappy status updates and ill-advised selfies. The cycle sounds exhausting, though it seems to work for some people. We’re just tired of seeing it play out on Facebook over and over. It just seems like a waste of everybody’s time.
15. Sharing every meme and inspirational quote about relationships
Memes and inspirational quotes are the bane of our existence on Facebook. They are especially bad when they involve cliched statements about finding your soulmate, marrying the love of your life, feeling grateful to be dating your best friend, or any of the lame variants of those sentiments. They’re the kind of messages you’d see on a Valentine’s Day card so bad you’d only find it on clearance at the local dollar store in July. Please don’t subject your Facebook friends to these posts. We really don’t deserve it.