Arguing With Your Spouse: Is Your Relationship Doomed, or Healthy After All?

Conflict in a relationship is never fun. And while you and your partner can certainly overcome a major argument, if you have them frequently, you may start to wonder if your relationship is meant to be.

Good news: In most cases, arguing with your spouse can actually be healthy, even though it might seem like a major red flag. Here’s why bickering has benefits … and when to be concerned.

Newsflash: All couples argue

Casual couple having coffee together

All couples are bound to have a disagreement at some point. |

Don’t be fooled by sentimental social media posts or couples that appear “perfect” to the outside world. All couples argue, but it’s HOW they argue that matters. There are ways to be respectful even when you’re in the middle of a conflict.

Arguing shows you respect your partner’s views

a heterosexual couple lie on their stomachs in bed while they have a discussion

It’s important for a couple to be able to agree to disagree. | iStock/Getty Images

You and your spouse may have different opinions and views, but that doesn’t mean you don’t respect each other. Vehemently disagreeing on certain things is common, but if you can have a healthy debate and agree to disagree, your relationship will be fine.

Bickering has real health benefits

Couple smiling and looking at camera

Bickering helps lower you and your partner’s stress levels. |

Studies have shown that married couples who avoid confrontation may have shorter life expectancies than those who allow themselves to argue. From raising your stress hormone levels to building resentment, holding in your anger is simply not good. Letting your frustration out (respectfully) is better.

Conflict keeps you close

Couple smiling and looking at each other

Arguments have a funny way of enhancing the intimacy in your relationship. |

Believe it or not, arguments can increase the feeling of intimacy and make you feel closer to your spouse. It makes sense since the goal of arguing is to reach a healthy resolution, which is much less isolating than keeping your feelings to yourself.

It means you’re not afraid of each other

Couple enjoying a hike

It’s important that you and your partner can have open and honest discussions. |

If you have the courage to stand up to your partner (and vice versa), it means you’re not afraid of each other. You can’t have an effective partnership if one of you is too complacent or afraid of conflict.

 You will both feel better

Happy couple looking in mirror

Letting off some steam will allow you to be a better partner. |

After a good, healthy argument, you and your spouse should feel unburdened and relieved. Letting off steam releases tension, anxiety, and fear. And once everything is said and done, when you feel better, you’re a better partner.

Arguing means your relationship will never be boring

young couple is eating pizza

Who on earth would want a boring relationship? |

It’s true: If you and your other half argue, your relationship will never be boring. This doesn’t mean you should pick fights with your spouse to keep things spicy, but healthy debates will keep the passion alive and keep you fall into a state of mediocrity.

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