Contracts and Loopholes: Warning Signs You Should Know Before Getting Married
Just about everyone gets a little nervous before getting married. However, there are some signs that should make you pause and question your decision. One example is wrestler John Cena’s insistence that on-again off-again girlfriend Nikki Bella sign a 75-page contract before they moved in together.
Here are some warning signs you should pay attention to before getting married. If your soon to be wife or husband displays some of these behaviors, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.
Your partner micromanages everything you do
Everyone deserves a little bit of freedom in their relationship. Very few people want to be managed as if they were an employee and their partner was the boss. Justin Lavelle, Chief Communications Officer for background check website Been Verified, told The Cheat Sheet a micromanaging partner is a clear sign something isn’t right with your relationship. Said Lavelle:
“A sign that your partner is not marriage (or relationship) material is his or her need to micromanage you. Every part of your life is outlined by this type of person: how you dress, complete chores, act in public, raise children, and have sexual relations. Failure to meet these expectations, no matter the situation, results in anger, harsh criticism, defensiveness, jealousy, and other harmful behaviors.”
Next: Living the single life.
He or she is not ready to let go of the single life
Once you’ve decided you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you should leave the single life behind for good. If your partner is unwilling to do this, you’ve got a big problem. “[Be cautious] if your partner is going to happy hour every night and still going to night clubs and not inviting you. These are more obvious signs that your partner might not be ready to let go of the single life,” said Licensed Professional Counselor Ronica Arnold, owner of Solutions Counseling, Coaching & Consulting.
Next: This affects all areas of your life.
Your partner lacks financial stability
Finances affect every part of your life. It’s difficult to enjoy an excellent quality of life if you’re under constant financial stress. In fact, money problems are one of the top reason for marital strife. Lavelle says if your partner can’t manage his or her finances, this could indicate a lack of responsibility in other areas. “A partner who splurges his or her paychecks on going out to eat, buying the latest smartphones and video game consoles, and purchasing expensive clothing rather than pay bills is nowhere near ready for the level of commitment and responsibility needed for a long-lasting marriage,” said Lavelle.
Next: Make up your mind.
Your partner is indecisive
You should worry if your partner seems head-over-heels in love one day and then cold the next. If he or she isn’t sure about you and seems to have trouble making decisions in general, beware. “If your partner is changing his or her mind about the future it could mean your partner doesn’t know what he or she wants for the marriage. It’s important to make sure you discuss these things and work on them together,” said relationship coach Carla Romo.
Next: One is the loneliest number.
Your partner isolates you
A partner who obsesses over you and goes to great lengths to make sure you’re isolated is bad news. Although you might be flattered by the attention in the beginning, this isn’t healthy behavior. Arnold says this is a serious indication the relationship might need to end. “Wanting to spend every waking moment with you, may be ‘cute’ for a while, but there comes a time when you must acknowledge that you are different individuals with different interests. It’s very important for couples to realize they are unique individuals and these differences should be respected,” Arnold told The Cheat Sheet.
Next: You need to watch out for this.
Your relationship is unstable
You deserve a stable relationship. Lavelle said instability is a clear sign you should rethink your decision to get married. “This can take many forms including constant fighting/arguing and the inability to get along other than in bed. You have broken up and gotten back together on a number of occasions. One or both partners have been unfaithful or have been caught in lies,” warns Lavelle.
Next: This is a big red flag.
Your partner asks you to sign a relationship contract
If your partner asks you to sign a contract like the one John Cena asked Nikki Bella to sign, this is a sign something isn’t quite right in your relationship. Arnold says a contract like this turns what should be a happy, relaxed union into a structured business deal. Said Arnold:
Healthy, happy couples are usually able to communicate effectively with one another without a structured contract. The goal in any relationship should be to meet the needs and desires of oneself as well as the other individual. Contracts can be very structured, make others lose trust, and just not allow people to be themselves. Professional relationships require contracts. Personal relationships should be a bit more lenient and allow for imperfection. We live and learn in love.
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