Cringeworthy Things You Should Never Ask Your Partner
Disclaimer: We totally support being open and honest with your partner.
But, let’s be real. There are certain things that you just shouldn’t ask. Things that give us the heebie-jeebies just thinking about. What’s worse is that you might be asking these awful questions on a regular basis!
Here, in no particular order, are the cringeworthy things you should never ask your partner.
‘Why do you always do that?!’
This backhanded question can be about any habit your partner has, from something weird he or she cooks, to the fact that he or she always talks during movie night. But whatever you are nitpicking at, it is condemning one of their habits in the most belittling way possible. And, more than likely, it will make your partner upset with you.
Re-framing this terrible question will help with communication. Consider saying something to the effect of, “Would you mind not doing … ?” It’s less harsh, and will hopefully be better received.
‘Does this make me look fat?’
The truth of the matter is, there is no right way to answer this question. And asking it of your partner puts them in an uncomfortable position. If they answer “yes” then you end up feeling bad about your image, and if they say “no” you end up questioning their honesty. Nobody wins here!
If you are the one that is critical of your own ensemble, go ahead and change into something that makes you comfortable. Still need input? Asking your S.O. a simple “How does this look?” will do the trick.
‘Don’t you want me to be happy?’
Wow, guilt trip much? You are straight up implying that your partner is guilty of wanting bad things for you. Asking this question is a surefire way to put your partner on their heels and make them feel attacked.
If you want your significant other to back you up on something, consider saying, “I could really use your support/input on this.” That opens up a dialogue instead of putting your honey on the defensive.
‘Why are you getting so upset about this?’
OK, this one gets a little tricky. Yes, you should totally ask your partner about something that is making them upset. But asking them why — and asking it in this manner — is a poor choice. It makes your significant other feel like their opinions and feelings aren’t important, and it makes you look like an insensitive jerk.
If you really don’t understand why your significant other is upset, come at it from a more helpful angle. Instead of attacking your S.O.’s reasons for sadness, ask, “What can I do to make this better?” Offering support is far more productive.
‘Why don’t you do (fill in the blank) anymore?’
Here, again, we have a question that needs to be reworded. Perhaps your relationship is in a bit of a rut and you want to liven things up. Hey, that’s great! But this question comes off as accusatory.
Consider rephrasing. Let’s say, for example, that you and your partner don’t do date night anymore. Maybe say, “Remember when we tried a new restaurant every weekend? I miss doing that.” It shows you want to put in a collective effort, instead of shaming your partner for not doing something.
‘So, is your friend seeing anyone?’
It doesn’t matter if you and your partner have been married for decades. This question is asking for so much trouble. It implies that you find said friend attractive, whether you mean it that way or not. And the last thing you want to do is unleash your partner’s insecurities and make them suspicious of you.
If your intention is to play matchmaker and try setting this friend up with another person, lead with that information. It could save you a headache, and a potential fight.
‘Can you lie about (fill in the blank) for me?’
While this one might not sound like a big deal, lying can be one of the worst things you can ask your partner to do. Sure, asking your boo to say you aren’t home when an annoying family member calls isn’t life-threatening. But asking them to lie on your behalf when it comes to money, work, or even a legal matter, can have severe consequences.
Take a step back and really evaluate what you are asking your S.O. to lie about. Is it worth it? Is my partner going to resent me for making them be dishonest? Could this hurt my relationship? Taking time to consider these things could have a huge impact on the connection you have with your partner.