Divorce lawyers know a thing or two about marriage. They have a wealth of knowledge they’ve amassed over the years of handling divorces. Discover what couples should never do if they want to avoid a divorce lawyer’s office, plus the one thing that will sour your marriage in no time (see page 6).
Blame your partner
“Blaming your spouse for all of your problems is not going to make them want to shower you with love,” divorce attorney, Karen Covy, told Brides. Covy says it’s easier to blame your partner as opposed to admitting you may be partly to blame yourself.
Hint: Don’t make this mistake when hiring a nanny.
Hire an attractive nanny
James Sexton, a divorce lawyer and author of, If You’re In My Office, It’s Already Too Late, has handled more than 1,000 divorce cases in his career. According to him one thing married people should never do is hire an attractive nanny. “People are cheating with the nanny, husbands are running off with the nanny, husbands and wives are running off with the nanny,” Sexton told NPR.
Hint: Don’t expect your partner to ‘owe you one’.
“You shouldn’t keep a running tally in your head of everything your spouse “owes you” if you’re doing more than your share,” Covy said. She goes on to say marriages have an ebb and flow. Sometimes one spouse will be doing more than the other. But this doesn’t mean one person should carry the entire weight of the relationship.
Hint: Don’t exhibit these four behaviors.
Close yourself off or criticize
Marriage therapists, doctors John and Julie Gottman, consider the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” to be criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. “That means, stop criticizing everything your spouse does,” Covy said. “Ditch the eye rolling. Listen to your spouse’s complaints, instead of arguing about why you are right all the time.”
Hint: Remember who you married.
Thinking your partner will change
“Know exactly what you want in a spouse and realize the person you love may not change,” divorce lawyer, Linda Zhou, told Glamour. Don’t expect your partner to become a social butterfly if they’ve always enjoyed spending time at home.
Hint: Don’t let little things fester.
Hold onto problems for a long time
“Letting problems sit in the back of your brain will only make that problem seem bigger and all consuming, leading to poor communication and ultimately fights, disagreements, and negative communication,” Jana L. Ponczak, Esq., told Women’s Health.
Hint: Don’t keep your spouse from their hobbies.
Hold your spouse back
“Do not prevent your spouse from spending time with friends, enjoying a hobby or their job,” Abigail Beebe, attorney and principal owner of The Law Office of Abigail Beebe, P.A., told Women’s Health. “All of these things need to be present in both spouse’s lives or else it will lead to resentment.”
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