Donald Trump Says Joe Biden ‘Would Go Down Fast and Hard’ in a Fight, But Who Would Really Win?
American politics are coming to this: two leaders talking smack about who could beat up whom. While speaking at a sexual harassment conference at the University of Miami, former Vice President Joe Biden said, “They asked me would I like to debate this gentleman, and I said no. I said, ‘If we were in high school, I’d take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him,’” CNN reports.
Not one to let anything go, President Donald Trump shot back, “You know when he said, ‘I’m going to take you behind the barn’? Oh, just trust me, I would kick his ass. He’d be easy,” according to CNN. “But, Joe, gimme a break. A guy who keeps making outrageous statements thinks he has a shot of being president?”
And while the two politicians stick out their tongues at each other from afar, many ponder what would really happen if Biden fought Trump. Here’s how we think it could play out. (We bet you didn’t see page 7 coming.)
1. Boxing in the blue corner: Joe ‘Moonshot’ Biden
One to watch his health, Biden is a fitness fanatic who enjoys biking, running, and core exercises. And he scored a spot on the Top 100 Fittest U.S. Politicians on Health Fitness Revolution.
While serving as vice president, Biden sought a fast-track solution to finding a cure for cancer through his “Moonshot” Biden Cancer Initiative. His beloved son Beau, who died from brain cancer, inspired the program.
Next: The challenger thinks public speaking is exercise.
2. Boxing for the red team: Donald ‘McNugget’ Trump
Known for his love of fast food, Trump’s health status is somewhat murky, especially after a few medical pronouncements that seemed questionable. And apparently, Trump’s theory on exercise is don’t do it.
He thinks people who work out hard are looking for an early death. “All my friends who work out all the time, they’re going for knee replacements, hip replacements — they’re a disaster,’’ The New York Times Magazine reports. Instead of traditional exercise, Trump insists that standing in front of an audience is a workout.
Next: Who do the experts say would win?
3. This is who boxing experts think would win
The general response from boxing promoters and trainers is Trump would be the likely winner. “I’ll go with Donald on a late-round stoppage,” Iceman John Scully, former world-title challenger and current trainer, tells USA Today. “He may be made to look silly at different points in the fight but he’s proven to be very difficult to deter and, you know, Joe isn’t exactly a young up-and-comer in this game anymore.”
Former fighter, trainer, and current matchmaker Sean Gibbons tells USA Today: “Biden, he has no shot. He’s too slow, too old and no good footwork like the Donald. The Donald’s been around the baddest men on the planet. He’s been with (Mike) Tyson. I guarantee he’s had some good workouts; some proper training. As much as he’s been getting beat up by the media, he’s ready to take it out on someone, so why not Joe Biden?”
Next: But what does everyone else think?
4. Online polls are divided
Much like the U.S., opinions on who would win this fictitious fight are split. The Daily Caller’s poll has Trump winning with 89% of respondents on his side. However, Nova Magazine’s poll has Biden winning by just as much. Other online polls seem to be split evenly between Trump and Biden. Several polls included an option suggesting both men just grow up. That box was tagged quite a bit.
Next: What could happen if they actually fought?
5. What might happen if their feud came to physical blows
While a physical fight between two politicians sounds delightful, it could be rather short-lived. However, thanks to those living in meme nation, we can only imagine a fight through memes.
Next: Late night hosts are envisioning the smackdown, too.
6. Late night hosts went after the fragile egos
Late Night host Seth Meyers said America would rather have Ronda Rousey fight Trump over Biden. He said, “Can you imagine these two actually fighting? It would end as soon as one of them accidentally stepped on his own super-long testicles,” Vanity Fair reports.
Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon suggested Sen. Bernie Sanders could be Biden’s wingman, joking about how Sanders would rip off his shirt and growl, “Come on, let’s do this thing! Come at me, bro!”
And Daily Show host Trevor Noah’s take was priceless: “Biden seems scrappy, but if 70 years of McDonald’s couldn’t take Trump down, I don’t know what can!”
Next: While polls and comics imagined this fight, no one saw this coming.
7. What about Trump’s secret weapon?
A fair fight between the two would be nearly impossible as Trump likes to fight dirty. Even his boxing buddies agree. So don’t forget about Trump’s sprightly, shirtless buddy, Vladimir Putin with his bag of powdery poison. Putin knows how to fight dirty, so who is to say Trump wouldn’t ask him to be his wingman in a fight? Hopefully the actual fight stays online and not in real life.
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