Relationship Advice: 5 Types of Drama No One Should Tolerate in a Relationship

Even the best relationships have some amount of drama at one time or another. However, certain types of drama are not OK. If you’re in a relationship with someone who exhibits behavior that’s affecting your self-esteem, you just don’t feel like yourself lately, or you’ve been concerned about your personal safety, these are significant clues you’ve met your threshold for what is tolerable.

Are you unsure about whether you should try to tough it out with your partner? It’s time to pay attention to some of the signs. Here are five types of drama no one should tolerate in a relationship.

1. Yelling

Frustrated Couple Sitting On Couch Quarreling

When you yell at your partner, you’re crossing a line. |

We all get angry every now and then, but once your partner gets to the point where he or she starts to yell, a line has been crossed. No one should be yelling at you, especially not someone who claims to love you. If shouting has become a routine form of expression for your partner, this drama needs to be addressed.

Why it shouldn’t be tolerated

couple arguing

Yelling should not be tolerated. |

You deserve love and respect, and yelling demonstrates neither. It shows your partner lacks enough self-control to have a calm, adult discussion. It also shows disregard for your feelings. Dr. Elliot D. Cohen says screaming at your partner can eventually lead to relationship breakdown. In his Psychology Today column, Cohen said:

There is a difference between “heart to heart” talks about perceived problems in a relationship, and yelling or sparring matches. While the former can lead to constructive change, the latter tends to be self-destructive … Your self-protective mechanism is a double-edged sword. You can use it to your advantage or you can use it to undermine your own happiness and that of your partner.

2. Cheating

woman spots a cheating partner

Cheating should be a deal breaker. |

One of the most common types of relationship drama is cheating. Sometimes you have your suspicions, so it’s not a surprise. However, there are some relationships where you thought things were going well, only to find out you were one among many others. Some of the signs your partner might be cheating are a sudden interest in appearance, closely guarding his or her smartphone, and disappearing for hours at a time.

Why it shouldn’t be tolerated

man texting

If the cheating doesn’t stop, it’s time to move on. |

A cheating partner generally can’t be trusted. In addition, your partner could be putting you at risk for HIV or any other number of sexually transmitted infections. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who keeps cheating on you? If you’re that desperate to make things work, it’s important for you to take a look at yourself and discover why you would be willing to put up with blatant disrespect. Perhaps you’re afraid of being alone or you think you can’t do better. Whatever your reason, if you don’t get to the bottom of your poor choices, you’ll continue to attract people who don’t have your best interest at heart.

3. Lying

fingers crossed

You can’t trust a lying partner. |

It’s very difficult to fully trust someone when you repeatedly catch that person in a lie. It also shows a lack of respect. If your loved one is constantly lying to you and hiding things from you, there’s a good chance he or she doesn’t respect you. We all fib from time to time, but if you’re noticing a pattern and your partner doesn’t genuinely seem sorry for telling lies, this is a big problem.

Psychologist Suzanne Phillips suggests creating an environment of love and acceptance could help reduce your partner’s need to keep secrets. The impulse to lie may be less if your partner doesn’t fear being attacked or judged for certain behaviors. “Surprisingly one of the worst kept secrets in a marriage is love and appreciation of one partner by another. Daring to disclose the positive secrets may be the ones overlooked and the best guarantees of love and loyalty a couple can find,” said Phillips in her Psych Central column.

Why it shouldn’t be tolerated

young couple not speaking after an argument

Lying destroys trust. |

Some lies can have a bigger impact than others. For example, financial infidelity could greatly affect your chances of making a major purchase, like a home. You also don’t want to file a joint tax return with a liar, because that could get you into some pretty hot water with the IRS. Being in a relationship with someone who consistently lies is just bad news for everyone involved.

4. Selfishness

Young couple playing videogames

Selfishness isn’t attractive. |

You’ll have lots of relationship drama if you’re married to or dating someone who is self-absorbed. A key ingredient to a healthy relationship is compromise. One partner shouldn’t always be giving while the other partner takes. This behavior will leave you feeling angry and drained.

 Why it shouldn’t be tolerated

couple talking in bed

Talk to your partner about their selfish ways. |

Both partners should enjoy all the benefits that come along with a loving, caring relationship. It isn’t fair if only one person benefits. If you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t know how to be generous, it’s time you stood up for yourself. However, instead of stewing silently, have a talk with your partner. Let him or her know you don’t feel like there is a fair amount of give and take in the relationship. If your partner is unwilling to change, then it’s time to move on.

5. Physical abuse

Stop gesture by a woman

There is no excuse for abuse. |

There is no room in any relationship for physical or emotional abuse. It can be subtle in the beginning and then get progressively worse. “Domestic violence doesn’t look the same in every relationship because every relationship is different. But one thing most abusive relationships have in common is that the abusive partner does many different kinds of things to have more power and control over their partners,” the experts at the National Domestic Violence Hotline say on their website.

Why it shouldn’t be tolerated

Sad woman looking down through a car window

Get help as soon as possible. |

Abusive behavior not only erodes your self-esteem but could also put your life in danger. If you’re in a relationship with someone who is abusing you, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week at 1-800-799-7233.

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