Relationships and breakups can totally turn your life upside down, leaving you lost, hurt, and confused. Whether it’s a short fling or a long-term commitment, recovering from any kind of relationship can take time, and bouncing back can seem daunting. Here are six tips for getting over an ex.
1. Make a list of cons
Even before the actual breakup, there’s a good chance you might have made a few, or several, lists of pros and cons. Writing everything down and even keeping a running list so you can add to columns whenever things pop into your head has been a time-honored tradition for many. However, when you find yourself thinking too much about an ex, scrap the “pros” column altogether and stick with keeping a running list of things you don’t like. Having a list on hand will help bring you back to reality so you don’t glamorize the relationship.
2. Leave social media out of it
In today’s world, because we’re bombarded with social media updates and news feeds displaying our acquaintances’ every move, consider the possibility of simply removing your ex from your list of contacts. Stalking your ex on Facebook will only make you crazy whenever you happen upon a picture of him or her with a new companion whom you don’t know. When you monitor your ex’s activity on social media, you’ll be causing yourself hurt and worry while slowing your healing process. Don’t focus on the pictures your ex is posting or what their Facebook status says — learn to move on by cutting the cord.
3. Don’t compare everyone to your ex
It’s too easy to compare every potential suitor you meet to your ex after a breakup, but proceed with caution here. If you are comparing and thinking no one will live up to his or her standards, it’s likely you still need time to grieve before you’re really able to jump into another relationship. Furthermore, choose to learn and grow from the past. Take a close look at where the failures were in the relationship, and use it to improve in the future.
4. Don’t rush into being friends
We all know what it’s like to experience a breakup, think we’re OK, and then want to establish a friendship. However, unless you’re positive that enough time has passed and both you and your ex are on the same page and have fully gotten over one another, this is likely not a good venture. According to Allison T. Moore, it’s best not to force a friendship with your ex, at least not at first. A genuine concern for one another’s happiness is an innate quality shared amongst friends, so don’t fool yourself into thinking you really want to see your ex happy if that’s not yet the case.
5. Surround yourself with a support system
Stef Safran, Chicago-based matchmaking and dating expert, recommends leaning on your friends for support and gaining insightful perspective from them. After all, besides having your best interest at heart, your friends are the people who have likely spent the most time with you and your ex as a couple. Often times, it takes an outsider looking in to help point out some misjudgments.
6. Rediscover your passions
It’s common for a person to get lost in a relationship — sharing interests, bonding over similar hobbies, and eventually doing everything together and spending little time apart. Naturally, when we’re ripped from a partner, feelings of loss and loneliness can occur. It’s time to pick up those old activities you used to love to do. Breakups are the perfect time to go after what makes you feel like you again. So take some time for yourself post-breakup and reconnect with what really makes you tick.