Is Technology Hurting Your Sex Life?

Cheating, couple

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“When technology surpasses human interaction, I fear we’ll have a generation of idiots.”—Albert Einstein.

Einstein talked about fearing a generation of idiots, but I am fearing a generation of impotents. Anymore when you walk into a restaurant you’ll see couples and groups in curious postures. Their heads are turned down on top of craned necks, their faces reflect an eerie pale glow, and their attention is diverted from their current company. Fifty years ago this could have been a scene from a science fiction novel where the villain of technology has turned the earth into a cold, dour, and heartless wasteland. Today we call it reality, and it is affecting your love life more than you may think.

From an evolutionary standpoint, life is about surviving and passing on genes and behaviors that allow for the next generation to experience life. So those who are more attentive, present, empathic, and sensitive with their partners will receive the positive evolutionary reinforcements of intimacy and lasting love, which ultimately benefits the survival of their offspring. All of those empathic traits are jeopardized by a technological environment that demands us to disconnect from our present surroundings — loved ones included.

Here are three technology traps that are compromising your love life.

1. Email, text, and social media notifications

Modern communication, like most things, isn’t inherently evil. Our application of these technologies is a different story. I’ve seen husbands who are out to dinner with their spouse and constantly peeking under the table at their smart phones, as if they were going to turn into beautiful women. The spouses often have a glazed and far off look in their eyes that signals a hopeless resignation. I’m reminded of Einstein’s quote and think it surely takes an idiot to do feed the glow of his screen before the glow of his soulmate.

Notifications from your texts, emails, and social media will pull you away from human connection, and from the people that rely on you most. It’s easy to see how we become dependent on the little dings and buzzes, because they usually signal that someone likes us, agrees with us, or in someway wants to be connected with us. But the connection offered in the digital realm is a cheap and unfulfilling proxy compared to the amazing person who has signed up to be your life partner, and also to your children and friends.

Solution: If you want to enhance emotional connection with your spouse and keep the benefits of technology, take a step that many executives tout: Turn off all notifications, all of the time. This way you are free to check whatever you need on your time, and for the rest of your time, you are 100% present and undistracted from the people you love most.

2. Porn

computer in bed, sleeping

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Porn is as much a part of the new wave of technology as any other industry. Through technology, men now have access to sexual content from their smartphones and laptops at every hour of the day. Porn is fast, easy, accessible, and it packs a punch of feel good chemicals unrivaled by most drugs known to man. But through its ease and accessibility, modern men are finding conflicts between porn and their lovers.

There is nothing easy about the effort it takes to forge and maintain intimacy with someone for extended periods of time. That takes faith, courage, and a commitment to learning more about your spouse each day. Porn contradicts those relationship cornerstones and instead imposes an illusion that sexual gratification is evanescent and has no strings attached.

Compared to on-demand porn, emotionally complex spouses can seem like they aren’t worth the effort. If you are conditioned with the ease and unilateral decision making that characterizes porn, having to make compromises and sacrifices to maintain a connection, emotional and sexual, with your partner can seem daunting and pointless.

Today it is estimated that over 500,000 divorces a year are attributed to porn habits. After taking a closer look at the issue, that figure is not at all surprising because the habit of porn is the opposite of the habits required for long-term emotional and sexual connection with your spouse.

Solution: I wish I could give an easy solution to this porn pickle, but unfortunately, that’s not the case. If you want to enhance the love life with your living and breathing spouse, you get the opportunity to make sacrifices for your relationship. Giving up porn in itself can seem a daunting challenge, but if you focus more on what you fill your time with, the transition to porn-free living can be smooth and entirely enjoyable.

What is one thing your partner wants more than anything else in the world? In case you didn’t know, it is to be meaningfully connected with you. In those times where your sexual desire has led to pornography, that is turning away from your spouse’s needs and your own to satisfy a fleeting want for pleasure.

The best trick of overcoming porn and enhancing your love life is not as much a trick as a habit. When you feel the desire to watch porn, simply think of your and your spouse’s desire to connect. Then ask yourself, “What can I do to help us both feel more connected?”

Only when you ask yourself that question can you get the answers, and they will be worth their weight in gold. Many guys who overcame pornography write love letters to their spouse (or future spouse) when they have the urge to watch porn. Instead of turning to a lifeless screen to satisfy the need for connection, you’ll be strengthening the bonds with your real life lover. Other men replace the habit of porn with constructive habits like reading or working out when they have the urge to watch pornography.

3. Pharmaceuticals

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Pharmaceutical technology has sabotaged our love lives with the illusion that change can be bought and swallowed. It’s inarguable that sexual connection is important to any relationship, so how does pharmaceutical technology interfere with it? The main components for an erotic and satisfying sexual experience are emotional connection and fully functional sexual organs.

Pharmaceutical technology covers the underlying issues behind sexual dysfunctions and instead promises to “cure” them with a magic pill. That pill has a side effect list a mile long, and it can only offer diminishing returns after your body gets used to it.

A burning and passionate sex life requires a plenitude of sex hormones, and the fizzling of a great sex life is never due to a lack of prescription medication. Our bodies require an ample substrate of nutrients and minerals as well as body movements in order to produce the sex hormones and healthy tissue systems required for sexual performance.

Solution: If you want to maintain and grow a deep sexual connection with your partner, put the prescription pills down and pick up foods and exercises that promote testosterone (T) production.

T-boosting foods: cheese, nuts, eggs, spinach and leafy greens, berries of all types, fish, and red meat. The nutrient cholesterol and minerals magnesium and zinc are especially important for production of testosterone, which these foods have in abundance.

To boost your testosterone through exercise, take a look at these five workouts.

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