I honestly couldn’t have given two licks about the royal wedding in 2011. I was a pouty, broke college graduate who wanted nothing to do with brunette Barbie doll Kate Middleton and all her perfection. But fast-forward seven years, and the royal family is most of what I write about during a week of work. And with a new royal wedding on the horizon, I went back and looked at what the fuss over Duchess Catherine was all about. What I found was a lot of people became obsessed with her super strict wedding diet and how much weight she lost. I thought: “Heck, why don’t I try this crazy diet thing out for myself.”
So I gave Kate’s wedding diet a chance for two weeks — and became so obsessed with all the foods I couldn’t eat, it wasn’t even funny.
First off, a confession
In all honesty, I kind of decided I hated the Dukan diet before I even started it. It’s very restrictive, the kind of eating plan that I had avoided my entire life. Plus, I knew from research I had done for work that restrictive diets can deprive you of nutrients and make you gain back a ton of weight afterward. Nevertheless, the protein-heavy plan was supposed to make me lose poundage, and I wanted to get rid of my finger food-and-Champagne weight from the holidays. So I went to the grocery store on Sunday night to stock up on chicken breasts, eggs, and seafood.
Next: The start
Admittedly, the first day was fine
Outside of being bored with how few things I was allowed to eat and drink, I felt OK the first day on the Dukan diet. Because the diet allows you to snack on protein-rich things whenever you want, I never felt famished. There was even a second or two where I felt bad for prejudging it. Maybe the Duchess of Cambridge really knew what was up.
Next: The unraveling
But the fascination wore off fast
By the end of the second day, all I could think about was pizza. I was OK without a glass of wine in the evening and only slightly missed having a piece of dark chocolate after dinner. All I could think about was a greasy mushroom and olive pizza. The desire for a pie evolved into a fascination with bread products that I wasn’t allowed to eat. Work took me forever to get done because I kept daydreaming about a paradise full of carbs. And my faith in Kate Middleton’s favorite diet was quickly fading.
Next: The breakdown
Meltdown in the supermarket
I texted my best friend on Day 3 of the diet and told her all I wanted to do was take a large bite out of a baguette. Then, the next day I went back to the grocery store to stock up on the produce I would finally get to eat the next day and had to walk past the bread display. I kid you not, I smelled sourdough and felt my pupils dilate. The bread display looked so glorious that I took a picture of it and sent it to my friend. “Did Kate lose her mind over sourdough rolls like this?” I thought. “Because this is NO way to live!”
Next: The moment I gave myself a break
Breaking the cycle
The bread episode made it harder to stay on the Dukan diet’s crazy path. I inevitably broke away from the liquid restrictions, which dictated I could only have water, tea, or black coffee. Nope, I went full tilt and poured myself a glass of cabernet. It might not have been the best wine I’d ever had, but wow, there is nothing more satisfying than a glass of wine after you haven’t been able to eat or drink anything fun for a few days. “Cheers to you and your psycho diet, Kate Middleton,” I thought through each sip.
Next: The (failed) attempt to give it another go
Then, a meltdown over veggies
Despite breaking the liquid portion of the diet — and frankly, not feeling much skinnier than I had at the start of the week — I tried to continue following most of the diet’s parameters and began integrating vegetables into my meals. First up was the broccoli I prepared to go with my chicken. Let me tell you, I have never been so excited to eat broccoli in my life. I thought: “Look at what your flippin’ diet has done to me, Kate. Nobody in their right mind should ever be this excited over a stupid head of broccoli.”
Next: The lesson
What I learned
Needless to say, my eating regimen slowly unraveled over the next week, including a very intense bonding moment with a couple slices of pizza. I decided that a super restrictive diet like the Dukan was not for me. Going without fruits and veggies — and denying myself the occasional treat — made me obsess about it.
A well-rounded menu of healthy foods is much more my speed — unless Kate Middleton wants to go on a beer and cheese diet, in which case I am totally ready to sign up for that.
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