Man Reveals the Secrets Behind His Polyamorous Relationship With 2 Women
It seems like celebrities are the only ones talking about it, but plenty of everyday people are in open relationships as well. Polyamory means “loving many,” so people can be romantically involved with more than one person at a time. And in this one case, a man has found true happiness with two women … and the women are fine with the arrangement.
Polyamory isn’t for everyone. But even if you’re only interested in monogamy, there are a few takeaways from this unconventional relationship that could actually be very good advice.
Meet the trio
British expat Adam Lyons has found love with two women, Brooke Shedd and Jane Shalakhova. He has a son with each other them, another baby on the way with Shedd, and the trio is also raising Shedd’s son from a previous relationship, In other words, they have a very full house.
Next: Here’s how this unconventional relationship came to be.
Boy meets girl, then couple meets girl
So, how did this happen? Lyons met Shedd, who is bisexual, at a nightclub. The two of them then met Shalakhova, and eventually, they became a trio. All three of them consider themselves to be in a relationship together, meaning Shedd and Shalakhova have a relationship as well.
As one might expect, they have all learned a thing or three about how to make relationships work.
Next: Dating two women means twice the relationship advice.
They’re allowed to be themselves
When Lyons met Shedd, she told him she didn’t want to stop seeing other women. When they met Shalakhova, she told the couple she often got bored in monogamous relationships. None of them tried to stop anyone from being who they are, and eventually, they all came together.
While it may not be realistic to accept your partner dating others, allowing each other to be comfortable being yourselves can lead to a healthier, more authentic union.
Next: They each get different things from each other.
Everyone’s needs are met
For this “throuple,” three different sets of hobbies and interests means everyone’s needs are filled. Lyons says Shedd fulfills his nerdy side, enjoying “geek culture” with him, while Shalakhova helps push him to succeed at his business. So he reaps the benefits of two different personalities.
Monogamous couples can be inspired by this and work to support each other’s interests as well. While you don’t have to have all the same hobbies as your partner, supporting each other’s passions in some way is a good way to bond.
Next: The trio even says their parenting is better together.
Their parenting is better together
The trio is currently parenting three — soon to be four — children together, but Shedd says their children are actually more well-rounded because of the arrangement. The kids deal with three different styles of parenting, and everyone’s choices are respected. The house is not a free-for-all in terms of discipline.
Obviously, respecting each other’s parenting styles and being on the same page when it comes to child-rearing will help any relationship succeed, monogamous or otherwise.
Next: The subject of jealousy is one people are most curious about.
But what about jealousy?
Lyons, Shedd, and Shalakhova all admit that jealousy happens … but not in the way you might think.
“Most of the jealousy isn’t what people think about, which is like they’re having sex without me, or the sex isn’t good enough,” said Lyons. “Jealousy tends to be more around that ‘they are going to that restaurant I really want to go to.'” Ideally, they are all intimate together, but sometimes they have “twosomes.”
Jealousy is a factor in all relationships, monogamous and otherwise … and it can really ruin your union. Learning to control it is one of the best things you can do.
Next: Is polyamory on the rise?
The new normal?
If it seems like we hear about polyamorous relationships now more than ever, it’s because they seem to be on the rise. A University of Michigan psychologist, Terri Conley, estimates that 5% of Americans are in non-monogamous relationships. And while there’s still a significant social stigma, perhaps there won’t be in the future if more people like this trio come forward and share their experiences.
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