Outrageous Ways to Get Guests to Leave Your Party
Like day old fish, party guests start to stink when they’ve lingered in your home too long. But some people don’t take a hint or know when the party is over and tend to hang far longer than they should.
What to do? If your friends or family think welcoming the sunrise at your house is their idea of a party (and not yours) we have a few ideas. While some are a little ruthless or bordering on insane (No. 5, 6 and 7), you may need to stoop to this level when no one knows when to leave.
1. Post big a sign
Nothing like a giant sign that spells out when it is time to leave. Get decorative and write party end time on a big chalk board or even hang decorative letters that say, “Party is over at 9 p.m.” Hopefully your guests read it and take note.
Next: Sign won’t work? Remove the party fuel.
2. Hide the booze
Nothing will prompt guests to scatter like offering a bottle of water “to go.” Grab bottles of booze like a ninja and start hiding them once you are ready for guests to vamoose. Definitely leave water and soda out for a while but you can pack that up if guests still insist on sticking around.
Next: Start cleaning.
3. Vacuum and clean underneath guests
Nothing makes people want to bounce like the whir of a vacuum cleaner bumping up against their chair. And while you are at it, throw the guest a rag and bottle of cleaner. No one wants to stick around if they have to clean too.
Next: Stage a fake phone call.
4. It’s not you; it’s me
Apply the maneuver many like to use for a bad date. Act like you’ve received a call containing either bad news or an emergency. Tell guests you must leave immediately to attend to the issue and start grabbing keys to leave. Don’t forget to look extremely frazzled or frantic.
Even if you have to drive down the street and turn around, it will get guests moving since you are “leaving” too.
Next: Try to sell guests something.
5. Convert guests to a new religion or pyramid scheme
Wind down the night by asking guests, “Okay guys, now that we’ve had dinner and drinks I’d like to take a second to talk to you about Jesus Christ,” one reddit contributor suggests. “Okay, so the first thing you need to understand about this is that it’s definitely NOT pyramid selling.” Stand back and watch the mass exodus.
Next: Or you could just give your guests the creeps.
6. Scare your guests into leaving
If you don’t mind being super creepy (or risk the possibility your guests could have you investigated), casually throw out the phrase, “Well, guys its time for you to go because I have something to bury.”
Take the ruse to the next level and pull out a set of your favorite sheets or large rug and wistfully say how it’s a shame you’ll have to ruin the sheets or rug. Be wary of the guest who asks to help you though.
Next: Sink to this new low.
7. Stage a coup using your child
There’s nothing like a communicable disease to clear a room. While this idea may hedge on unscrupulous (and probably a little unlucky), you may need to sink to this low, especially for the super stubborn guest.
Rather than making your child completely complicit, you could pop into junior’s room and then re-emerge looking horrified. Tell guests your child may have caught the flu or whatever garden variety communicable disease du jour and verbally ponder a trip to the ER. Warning: only try this maneuver when hosting for casual acquaintances. Mothers or relatives will bum rush into the child’s room to help. Your ruse will obviously be blown.
Next: Remove yourself from the party.
8. Fall asleep
You could either simply “fall asleep” on the couch or put on your pajamas, turn off every light, and go in your bedroom. No one is going to want to party in the dark, especially if you’ve followed suggestion No. 2.
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