4 Surprisingly Blunt Questions You Should Ask on a First Date (and 3 Questions to Absolutely Avoid)
Of all the stressors that contribute to a first date, knowing the right things to say is possibly the worst. You may think asking the hard-hitting questions is off limits and keeping conversation light is key. In fact, there are some blunt questions you should be asking on a first date. It’s just important to know which questions are essential and which will ruin your date.
Here’s a look at four straightforward questions you should ask on a first date, as well as three you should avoid at all costs. (The question on page 7 may surprise you.)
Ask: ‘What are you looking for in a relationship?’
This question is to the point and allows the other person to be open and honest. Business Insider points to eHarmony, which says this question helps install from the get-go whether the other person is looking for a fling or to establish a serious connection. By asking this blunt question, the likelihood there’s a miscommunication regarding your date status decreases.
Next: But being blunt can also make things awkward …
Don’t ask: ‘Why are you single?’
Business Insider points out that many people ask this question because they think it’s flattering. But in reality, it’s more of an insult. This question makes it look as though there’s something wrong with being single — or that the other person is dysfunctional because they aren’t already in a relationship.
Next: A good way to break the ice …
Ask: ‘What should I know about you?’
Beliefnet lists this matter-of-a-fact question as a top thing you should ask on a first date. And it’s easy to see why. “During the first date, both parties are often more willing to be open as they get to know each other,” Beliefnet explains. “This question is particularly revealing because it gives you a glimpse of who they really are.”
Next: However, there are certain things your date shouldn’t be asked to reveal …
Don’t ask: ‘How much money do you make?’
As sex therapist Moushumi Ghose summarizes for Bustle, this brazen question insinuates that you base people’s worth on their bank accounts. “While I am a big fan of putting your real true self out there on dates and not playing games, this is the way you weed the non-compatible ones out anyway, so I would say never ask someone how much money they make,” Ghose says. “That’s just rude.”
Next: This question takes away the guessing game …
Ask: ‘Do you want to meet up again?’
Skip all that “will he/won’t he call” garbage or waiting a certain amount of time before calling, so you “don’t look too eager.” If you want to see this person again, you should establish whether they reciprocate before you part ways at the end of the date. This way, you can make plans and not be left wondering whether you’ll see them again.
Next: However, there are certain plans you can’t make on the first date …
Don’t ask: ‘Do you want to get married/have kids?’
Yes, you want to get a good idea of who this other person is. But these questions are just too intense for a first date. Additionally, dating coach Erika Ettin tells Business Insider asking these questions can make you look desperate, even if you aren’t. “Let’s see if you have rapport before you decide to have kids together,” she says. “Don’t put the cart before the horse.”
Next: This final question may surprise you …
Potentially ask: ‘How recently have you been tested?’
No, we aren’t suggesting you yell this across the table on a first date. But if a date is going especially well, it may be good to ask this question before things get too steamy. Bustle points out this blunt question often doesn’t get asked until both parties are in the heat of the moment, and it’s more important than that. “If they react with shock or judgment, it’s a red flag that they might not take safety as seriously as you do,” Bustle reports.
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