Asking Someone Out? Here’s Why You Keep Getting Rejected

Nothing stings quite like getting rejected. It definitely doesn’t do much to boost self-esteem and confidence, but unfortunately it’s part of the dating process. Don’t worry, you’re not alone — every person who’s single and making an effort is faced with rejection at some point. It takes time (and a few strike outs) before you find someone who is just as interested in you as you are in them.

If rejection is becoming the norm, you may need to take a step back and re-evaluate. The worst part of repeated rejection is not knowing what you’re doing wrong. Is it your look? Are you coming across too aggressive or too insecure? When you have no idea where you’re going wrong it’s impossible to get better. If you’re trying to overcome constant rejection these seven things may be playing a role.

1. The rule of attraction

Grabbing a beer on a date

Attraction more often than not will have to be present on both sides. | iStock.com

As much as people try to deny it, physical attraction plays a big role in landing a date. It’s either there or it isn’t. It sucks to hear that you may be getting rejected because your love interest isn’t attracted to you, but if you’re honest, you’ll remember that there have been plenty of people who you’ve disregarded because that extra spark wasn’t there. You are who you are and you look the way you look, but there are ways to work with what you’ve got. Dress for your body type (it’s not just for the ladies), talk to a hair dresser you trust on updating your look, take care of your body, and be good to your skin. When you take pride in the way you look, it shows.

2. You come across as desperate

texting

Don’t like all of their pictures on Instagram then ask for a date. | iStock.com

If you’ve hit a major dating dry spell you may find yourself grasping at anyone who will look your way. Stop. There is nothing more unattractive than someone who is willing to date anyone. Desperation doesn’t look good on anyone. People want to feel like you’re contacting them because they’re special, not because they happen to be the next person to pop up on your dating feed. Authenticity goes a long way.

3. You’re not being specific enough

happy walkers hiking in the mountain

Put a little creativity into your dating plans. | iStock.com

According to eHarmony people are usually more open to an invitation if they’re clear about what you’ll be doing. If you have a tendency to throw out a “Wanna hang sometime?” you may be sabotaging yourself. Instead, come up with a concrete plan before you ask someone out. Ask them to catch a weekend concert or grab lunch at a newly opened restaurant. You don’t have to be formal, but by giving it some thought you’ll show that you’re serious about getting to know them and have the confidence to make it happen.

4. You’re coming across poorly

couple talking on the stairs

Make sure you aren’t coming across poorly to potential mates. | iStock.com

You’re probably a great person, but when you’re nervous or scared of rejection you may come across a little differently. Do you clam up and have trouble thinking of what to say? Do you come across as overly confident and conceited? Be honest with yourself or ask a friend you trust to weigh in. If you’re either unable to maintain a comfortable conversation or come across as too chatty (especially when it comes to talking about yourself), you may need to reevaluate the way you communicate. Focus the conversation on them and be engaged without dominating the conversation.

5. Bad timing

hipster couple talking in cozy cafe

Did you make sure they were approachable, first? | iStock.com/KatarzynaBialasiewicz

You might think someone is ridiculously attractive and you should make your move, but as soon as you speak, they give you the cold shoulder. What’s up with that? Well, here’s a thought. How was their demeanor? Did it seem like something had been bothering them? Did they just get done having an argument? In these instances it is better to say nothing.

Bear with us on this one, we can explain. Think about it. When you are in a bad mood, do you feel like getting hit on or asked out by a stranger? Probably not. Make sure you take into account the surroundings and your crushes vibe. If everything seems great, take your shot. If not, stand down.

6. Lost opporunity

Jealous woman looks at cheerful couple

You don’t want to be this chick. | iStock.com/princigalli

In heterosexual relationships, men always do the approaching, but does it really have to be that way? Absolutely not. The courting process has significantly changed, and a man is not always a part of the equation. So ladies, if you find someone attractive, you should absolutely let him or her know. If not, you are setting yourself up for a missed opportunity that might not have turned into a rejection. We can imagine the last thing you want is for your crush to fall into the arms of someone else.

7. You were already in the friend zone

smiling young woman at a cafe table

Some people don’t like dating their close friends. | iStock.com/jacoblund

It sucks! But it definitely happens. Maybe the person you want to ask out has been a friend for awhile. Maybe you guys run in the same circles and see each other often. But too often people admire their friends from afar and eventually end up locked in the friend zone when that is exactly where they don’t want to be. It’s always best to be specific and straightforward as soon as possible.