Does your relationship give you the snores instead of the tingles? If your relationship has gotten so routine that you fall asleep just thinking about it, it’s time to do some relationship renovation. Studies have found that boredom is one of the top relationship killers. Research published in the journal Psychological Science found that relationship boredom can lead to an overall feeling of unhappiness and can predict a decrease in marital satisfaction nine years down the road.
“Boredom is the greatest threat to our relationships. If we’ve been in a relationship for more than about two or three years, odds are good we’ve experienced relationship boredom. More often than not, this boredom is manifested as sexual boredom — we no longer feel the burning desire we once felt for our partner,” said relationship expert Jason Robillard.
If you want to preserve the magic in your partnership, avoid falling into a rut. Tear up your one-way ticket to Boredom Town; it’s time to get off that train. Here are a few tips for reigniting the passion.
1. Get creative in the bedroom
Has sex gone from the salsa to a two-step? You need to work a little harder at laying down the law in the bedroom. You should both be tired, a little sore, and tingly all over by the time you’re finished with each other. You can learn some new tricks by watching videos, reading some naughty books (reading together is even better), and taking time to explore each others body.
“Get out of the rut you’re in — whether it’s another night of missionary-position sex or the same old routine when you come home from work. Shake it up with a trip, dinner on the floor in an indoor picnic, or a surprise party for a non-birthday. Thursday is a reason enough for a party! This sounds goofy, but it’s not — it’s the way you get to know each other and regard each other beyond the mundane. Doing things differently — not just for your partner, but for yourself, too — and simply getting out of those comfort zones and those ruts, will bring you closer to your partner,” said April Masini, relationship expert and founder of relationship advice column Ask April.
2. Stop being so predictable
If Tuesday is always Netflix and taco night, you need to develop a new plan. Get dressed, go out to dinner, and maybe even throw in some dancing. Monotony will kill the sizzle in no time, so make sure to mix up your usual routine. When couples get too comfortable, it will only be a matter of time before one person looks for excitement outside the relationship.
“If it’s the predictability that’s causing the zest to fade rather than lack of interest in each other, find ways you’re each comfortable with to change up the routine into which you’ve fallen,” said psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne.
3. Talk to each other
The romance will get stale if you don’t sit down and actually have a conversation with your partner from time to time. Meaningful conversation will help you grow closer and learn new things about each other. As time goes on it’s natural for your interests and goals to change. By checking in with each other regularly, you’ll be on top of what’s new in your partner’s life and learn what makes each other happy. When you strive to look out for your partner’s happiness, that spark will stay lit. You’re feeding each other’s emotional bank account, leaving little room for boredom to take hold.
“If it’s interest that emerges as the number one culprit [of your boredom], then develop ways to talk to each other to recapture that fascination you both once had,” added Whitbourne.
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