Signs There’s Still Hope for Your Failing Marriage
If you’re going through hard times in your marriage, it may feel like nothing else can be done to save it. Whether you’re experiencing money issues, someone cheated, or you can’t really describe why you’re going through a rough patch, it may feel like divorce is the next step.
However, don’t give up on your relationship just yet. If you and your spouse still show any of these signs, there’s still hope for your failing marriage. As long as you’re both able to put effort into the most important factor (page 7), your marriage can definitely be saved.
1. They still give you a sense of comfort
No matter what difficulties you’re going through in your marriage, think about whether or not your partner still gives you a feeling of comfort. Marriage and family therapist, Melissa Divaris Thompson, LMFT, explained to Bustle, “When I work with couples in my private practice I look for these moments of connection, even if they’re small.”
If you and your partner still provide a sense of “home” to each other, your marriage isn’t dead just yet. “If these moments are still happening, it’s a good sign that there’s still hope for your relationship to survive.”
Next: This can be the best medicine.
2. You still make each other laugh
Being able to laugh with your partner can truly benefit your relationship — even while going through a rough patch. According to Bustle, if you’re still able to make each other laugh, research shows that it can bring you closer together.
Thompson attests, “Having a sense of humor can lighten the hard times.”
Next: If you don’t care about this, your marriage could be over.
3. You care about your partner’s feelings
If you’re thinking to yourself, “Of course I still care about their feelings” — there’s still hope for your marriage.
“This is critical in relationships and a huge indicator that your relationship may continue,” according to Thompson. “Some couples start to not care about their partner’s needs, feelings, and desires and this is a major indicator your relationship is failing.”
Next: Do you think in terms of ‘me’ or ‘we’?
4. You still see yourselves as a team
No matter what difficulty you’re going through in your marriage, you may still see each other as a team. If that’s the case, licensed mental health counselor Samantha Burns has good news for you and your partner.
She explained to Women’s Health, “For instance, ‘Even though you bought that car without my permission and I’m super pissed, now we have to figure out how to get out of debt.’”
You may be dealing with a major life issue, but if you approach it with the “we factor,” as described by Burns, you can make it out together.
Next: Be careful where you place your blame.
5. You can both admit to being wrong
Sometimes, it’s easier to place the blame on someone else or other external factors. However, depending on what issues you’re going through in your marriage, this behavior can be detrimental. Burns has found that if you and your partner can both admit to being wrong, your marriage can be saved.
“Oftentimes, rebuilding trust can’t happen until each partner acknowledges his or her role, whether active or passive, in the bigger problems that led to the betrayal,” Burns explains. “Taking responsibility for the distance and chasms in the relationship is key for the couple to create and define a new stronger, more committed future together.”
Next: Do you feel capable of showing this?
6. You do still love each other
It’s hard to show your love for your spouse if you feel your relationship falling apart. However, if you do still love each other and feel capable of acting on it, there’s still hope.
“[Successful couples] are attuned to each other’s love languages, which are the ways in which each partner most prefers to receive love,” Burns argues. “This makes it easier to resolve conflict and feel connected again, because you’re saying, ‘I love you,’ in a way that really resonates with your partner.”
Next: This is the most important factor.
7. You’re both willing to try
Even if all the signs are there that your marriage can still be saved, none of it will work if you don’t both put in 100 percent.
Burns explains, “If you have tried to straightforwardly address your partner’s reluctance and resistance, but he or she denies any responsibility for his or her actions, refuses to change, or invest the energy into working through it, and is unwilling to put in the effort or go to therapy, it might be time to walk away.”
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