If you’ve been considering divorce, you may be wondering whether it’s the right decision. It’s normal to have doubts creep into your mind from time to time, but sometimes it’s necessary to take a step back and closely evaluate the situation.
So how do you know you’re doing the right thing? How do you know whether to fight for your marriage or just cut your losses? Well, we’re here to help. Here are a few signs that may indicate it’s time to call it quits.
1. You’d rather be alone
When you think about the possibility of being single again, you get downright giddy. In fact, you’re already picking outfits for future dates with your crush. If the thought of divorce gives you the giggles, you may want to turn that thought into action.
2. Your spouse’s touch makes your skin crawl
His or her touch gives you goose bumps — but not in a good way. In fact, it feels like a thousand ants on your skin. This is bad — real bad. In a loving, healthy relationship, you should be longing for caressing, cuddling, kissing, and all the wonderful things that come with being with someone you love. If this is not the case, you need to get to the bottom of why you are suddenly repulsed. This alone may not be reason enough to get divorced, but it does signal some serious trouble in paradise.
3. You cheated — several times
If you or your spouse is getting some action on the side, it’s a clear sign that you have some serious issues. Once you’ve gone this far, your best bet is to take the next steps and file for divorce. You may also want to get checked for STDs while you’re at it.
4. You wouldn’t stay even if your partner changed
What is it that needs to change for you to feel good about staying in the relationship? If it’s an issue that can be easily resolved, you might be able to work through it together. If it can’t be resolved, a divorce might be in your future. Whatever you do, resist demanding that your spouse change, and don’t resort to making ultimatums. This behavior will likely cause your spouse to become defensive and do just the opposite of what you are requesting.
5. You don’t see a future with your spouse
In the next five years, you imagine a wonderful future full of success. You get to where you want to be in your career, you finally get up the nerve to move to a new city, and you are truly happy. However, your dreams don’t include your significant other. If you can’t see how your spouse fits into your life, do yourself a favor and find someone who does.
6. You just don’t care anymore
Your spouse did something that would normally make your blood boil, but now it doesn’t faze you. At this point in your relationship, you’ve checked out emotionally. If there is just no desire to work on your marriage, you’re pretty much done. It takes two people to make a marriage work. Either seek counseling to see how you can make some needed changes or prepare to jump ship.
7. You have too much resentment
A Huffington Post article notes that the root of every divorce, no matter if it involves adultery, growing apart, arguing a lot, or not being able to agree, stems from the larger root of resentment. At some point in any relationship, someone will harbor resentment for their significant other, which follows the common belief that love and hate are practically the same thing. Think about it for a second. Good.
Resentment can basically heighten throughout the relationship. The key to a successful relationship is to not harbor the resentment, but rather deal with it before it takes on a life of its own. If you or your spouse is feeling resentment, talk it out or consider couple’s counseling.
8. Marriage counseling hasn’t helped
As Joel L. Young, M.D., says to Psychology Today, “For many people, therapy is a treatment of last resort.” Perhaps you’ve gone down this road with your partner before, and nothing has changed. Your needs are still not being fulfilled, and you’re still feeling like you’re better off alone. If you feel as if even the professionals can’t help you, then it might be time for a divorce.
9. You know your exact reason for a divorce
Take time to explore what it is about the marriage that is making you want to give up. What exactly is motivating your decision?
“Whether you are unhappy or hopeless or too tired to keep trying, understanding your reasoning helps ground you in your decision. And the more that decision is grounded in you wanting something more or different and less about what your spouse did or didn’t do, the easier it will be to deal with the divorce, mourn the loss of this relationship, and move on,” advised therapist Rhonda Milrad, founder of online relationship community Relationup, to The Cheat Sheet.
10. You got married to fix your problems
Just as having kids won’t fix problems that already exist in your marriage, getting hitched in the first place certainly won’t fix any underlying relationship issues either. FamilyShare mentions marriage won’t solve problems, such as feeling lonely and being unhappy. If you got married because you thought it’d solve your personal or relationship issues, it won’t be long before you realize it was too soon.
Additional reporting by Lauren Weiler.