First Date Woes: 10 Signs Your Date Isn’t Interested in You at All
First-date jitters are natural — you’ve probably thought endlessly about what you should wear, how to avoid awkward silences, and if you’re even going to like your potential match. There’s nothing wrong with being optimistic, but remember not to get too ahead of yourself, either. Even if you think things are going well, your date may be thinking just the opposite. And there’s no worse feeling than calling them a week later just to realize it’s always going straight to voicemail. So, we have a few tips to avoid the embarrassment. Watch for these 10 signs that signal your date’s ready for the night to be over.
1. They keep checking their phone
We all check our phones more often than we probably should, but when you’re on a date, it’s important to put your phone away and engage with the person sitting across from you. A companion who can’t put down his or her device is hinting how they feel the date is going.
Andrew Przybylski, a psychologist at the University of Essex, tells Live Science turning off your phone during a date “communicates care and compassion, and that the present moment is really important.” A date who keeps staring at their screen more than your face may be looking for some entertainment outside of you and what you may have to offer.
2. They don’t make eye contact
Body language often speaks louder than words. If you’re mystified as to whether or not your date is into you, take note of how often their eyes are connecting with yours. Relationship coach Toni Coleman explains on The Sideroad that good eye contact is a sure sign your date is interested in you. When your match retains eye contact, they’re relaxed, comfortable, and receptive to what you’re saying — they’re staying present in the situation and want to be there. A date who avoids eye contact is probably uncomfortable or uninterested.
If you can sense your date is shy from the moment you meet, then you’ll have to gauge their other behaviors to tell if they really like you. Someone who’s extroverted but still won’t look you in the eyes probably doesn’t want a second date.
3. They don’t attempt physical contact
You’re probably not expecting (or desiring) a ton of physical contact with someone you’re just getting to know, but the occasional knee brush or hand hold is to be expected. If your date makes absolutely no effort to touch you in some minor way, this is a signal that they may not be particularly interested.
You should also be wary of the date who will touch you in private but never in public, says eHarmony. This could be a sign they’re only there for a quick fling and don’t want to be associated with you in any serious way. Your date may not be the biggest fan of PDA, but holding, or at least touching, hands in public shouldn’t cause much resistance.
4. They’re distracted when you’re speaking
It’s frustrating when you’re speaking to a friend who clearly isn’t listening, but it’s even worse when you’re telling a story to your date who seems more interested in the wallpaper than your words. It’s a sure sign you’re not the only thing on your date’s mind. Unsure of if your date is listening or not? Business Insider says fidgeting, finger tapping, or turning their body away from you, means they’ve tuned out.
5. They don’t share anything personal about themselves
Dating is exciting because you get to know someone new. This is your opportunity to dig into their interests, thoughts, fears, and what makes them truly unique, so it can throw a wet blanket on the date when the other party shoves all of your questions aside. While there are certain topics you shouldn’t discuss on your first few outings together, your date should still be willing to give you some personal information, and they should be asking you questions as well.
If your partner seems lukewarm, analyze what your conversations are about. Psychology Today notes it’s easier than ever to keep in touch with just about anybody thanks to smartphones, but don’t be fooled into thinking your date really likes you just because they text you back. Think about your conversations — do they mention friends and family, or do they keep the conversation vague even after you continue to see each other? Your conversations should naturally get more personal the longer you date.
6. They tell you immediately they’re not looking for anything serious
If you’re going on a date anticipating it could possibly be the start to something long term, then someone who says, “I’m not looking for anything serious,” probably isn’t a good match. This phrase speaks for itself, and the type of person who tells you this straightaway is at least attempting to be honest, but far too many refuse to accept this as truth when they hear it. Trust us — if your date tells you they don’t see a future with you, believe them.
Need more signs you’re potentially on a date with a commitment-phobe? Bustle explains they may also claim to not like labeling their relationships to others. This means you two could go on dates for years and still never achieve boyfriend or girlfriend status. Yikes.
7. There’s no mention of a future date
Once your night is coming to a close, you may really like your date and want to get to know them even better. You may drop subtle hints about how you’d love to see them again, or you might come right out and ask them how they’d feel about getting together again. If your date doesn’t take the hint or drops the subject, don’t think it’s because they didn’t hear you — they’re most likely avoiding that conversation because they aren’t interested.
If you didn’t get that second date you were looking for, Thrillist posits a few reasons that may explain why. If you’re talking too much about yourself or drilling your date like it’s a job interview, don’t expect them to show much further interest.
8. They’re full of excuses
Your date may have an excuse for everything — why they were late to meet you, why they need to leave early, and why they can’t plan to hang out next week. While some excuses are valid, they should offer a solution to the problem if they’d like to meet up again. Someone who abandons the date with little warning because of an emergency should offer to take you out another day, for example. But if your date continually leaves you out of the picture and has an endless number of reasons as to why, they’re most likely waiting for you to stop asking to see them.
There are a few common excuses that definitely mean your date isn’t interested in seeing you again you should be aware of. Elite Daily says this includes someone claiming they’re too focused on their career or their hobbies to make time for you. It’s not that they don’t have the time, it’s that they don’t want to spend their free time with you.
9. Their posture is stiff
The eye contact between you and your date may be on point, but if the rest of their body seems off, you should pay attention. Psychology Today explains a date who closes the space between you and seems relaxed is definitely interested. However, if your date appears rigid and stiff, they’re probably not into you. Your date may try to convince you they’re intrigued by carrying on a conversation, but body language really does tell all.
10. The date ends early
Once your meal wraps up and your wine glasses are empty, you may want to stick around and order dessert so you can get to know your date even more. If your date makes no indication of wanting to stay for a second glass of wine or wait around for you to finish yours, though, they’re probably not going to call you for a second date.
Match.com relationship insider Kimberly Moffit tells The Huffington Post Canada about different strategies people use to end dates early. If these sound familiar to what your date has done, then they may be unsure of their feelings for you. If your date asks you to grab a quick cup of coffee instead of dinner, for example, they may be looking for a something fast in case they want to leave. Or, if they keep commenting about all of the things they need to get done later that day, that’s also a hint.