Monogamous Relationships: 5 Signs They Might Not Be for You

Ever find yourself wondering why you’re not able to hold down a relationship? For all the times you’ve delivered, “it’s not you, it’s me,” maybe it’s time you actually start believing it instead of simply rattling it off when things get tough. While some people look forward to finding their one soul mate, others are destined to fly solo. And still, others may be more inclined toward a non-monogamous lifestyle. Whatever the case may be, here are five signs you’re simply not made for monogamous relationships.

1. Your idea of the future doesn’t fit the status quo

man drinking water on a mountain

How do you look at the future? |

Sure, if your idea of the future differs from that of your partner’s, it may just mean you’re not with the right person. But if your idea of what’s to come widely strays from the typical, it could mean you’re not meant to be in a monogamous relationship. As mentioned by Bustle, you’re not in the relationship you want if your partner is on a five-year track for two kids and a mortgage, yet you’re hell-bent on backpacking solo through Eurasia. This can apply to the type of relationship, too. So, forget the idea of a white picket fence and 2.5 kids — if you absolutely cannot envision your future with one person, you’re not made for a monogamous relationship.

2. You like variety

man checking out another woman

Monogamy requires you committing to just one person. |

This should make perfect sense, seeing as the very nature of monogamy requires you to commit to only one person. If you’re constantly on the prowl and can’t quite seem to change your variety-seeking ways, you may be happier in a non-monogamous relationship. According to PuckerMob, if you crave diversity, you need to say no to a monogamous relationship. As soon as you commit to one person, sleeping around or just seeing multiple people are no longer options.

3. You feel trapped in a monogamous relationship

young couple not speaking after an argument

Does monogamy make you feel trapped? |

Just because you feel suffocated whenever you’re in a monogamous relationship doesn’t mean you’re not in love with your partner, nor does it mean you’re bad at being in a relationship. It might simply mean monogamy isn’t for you.

In an article published on Thought Catalog, Valentina Rayas writes about what it’s like to be polyamorous and stuck in a monogamous relationship, saying, “Entering a relationship always feels uncomfortable and limiting, even when you’re deeply in love with the person you’re with.” Instead of beating yourself up over your aversion to monogamous relationships, have an open and honest conversation with your partner about what you’re feeling. Who knows, maybe your partner will want to experiment with non-monogamy, too.

4. Polyamory is more than just a last-ditch effort to save your relationship

man and woman at a bar

If you’re considering polyamory, talk to your partner. |

For some couples who are really struggling to make it work, it’s not uncommon for the idea of an open relationship to come up. But if one partner is feeling ignored in the relationship and the other is leaning toward a non-monogamous relationship, it’s a red flag both people are definitely not on the same page. The only way a non-monogamous relationship will work, of course, is if all people involved agree on the expectations.

In Psychology Today, Elisabeth A. Sheff, Ph.D., writes, “If someone is feeling like they are already not getting enough attention, sex, love, or care from their partner, the idea of sharing that already inadequate supply will not sit well. In order to make polyamory more palatable to your reluctant partner, make sure to not only meet their needs now, but also reassure them that their needs will continue to be met in the future.” If both partners’ needs aren’t being met, things could end in disaster.

5. You don’t believe just one person can fulfill all your needs

Woman seriously listening to her boyfriend

You may need different people to fulfill different needs. | Ammentorp Lund

You have a unique set of needs, desires, and expectations, and you’re confident these far exceed what one person alone will ever be able to fulfill. You want a partner who’s kinky, but also want one who’s safe. You want someone who challenges you, and yet you also need someone who understands you. “Your personality is incredibly varied and complex and you crave relationships that will satisfy different parts of it — but you couldn’t possibly expect just one person to provide all of that,” Rayas writes for Thought Catalog. This doesn’t mean you’re looking for a unicorn, it means you’re aware of the fact you need both a white horse and a horned beast.