Being in a relationship can give you a feeling of walking on clouds. Nothing can get you down. All of these good feelings can make you think you’re ready to take a trip down the aisle, but are you really ready? Here are a few signs that you need to take a step back and rethink your decision. Tell the wedding planner to sit tight.
1. You’re selfish
A healthy marriage requires give and take. If you’re still hung up on your own needs and desires and don’t have room for anyone else in your life — other than you, yourself, and then you again — you might be better off alone. Why should someone spend their life only catering to you?
“From all social and economic backgrounds, across gender lines and cultural and religious groups, whether young or old, the most common obstacle to realizing the wonderful potential of our relationships comes from selfishness and self-absorption, which are, after all, two terms for the same thing: the out-of-control ego,” said Ted Dawson in Selfishness and Self-Absorption.
2. You like playing the field
If you’re hesitant to throw out your “Single and Ready to Mingle” T-Shirt from college, that may be a sign you’re not ready for a permanent tan line on your ring finger. Also, if your digital black book is so full that it crashes your smartphone, this should tell you something. There’s nothing wrong with having a full and active dating life, just remain transparent with everyone you’re being full and active with. Pretending to be exclusive with someone while sowing your wild oats with several other people isn’t the way to go. Come clean so that you can enjoy your freedom without the guilt.
3. You have an unresolved past
Emotional baggage must be unpacked. One piece of luggage that must be handled: your ex. If you’re still not over a past love, it’s time to slow down. Also, if you have any ongoing issues like drug or alcohol addiction, or unresolved emotional wounds, it is imperative that you get help for this before asking someone to spend their life with you. While it is possible to work through these issues as a couple, it will likely add tremendous stress to a new marriage.
“Relationships where one or both people are affected by unresolved issues often tend to spiral down, so it’s best not to wait until there is so much anger and resentment that your relationship can’t be salvaged,” said Licensed Clinical Social Worker Josephine Ferraro.
4. You’re hiding a secret
If you’ve got an army of skeletons in your closet, you have two options: either fess up or keep your skeletons locked down and don’t get married. Your little secret will eventually turn into a big one. The white lies you tell today, if quietly snuck into a marriage, could transform into a messy divorce down the road.
5. You have doubts
The doubts could be about your partner or about the relationship in general. Either way, trust is an essential component of any relationship. If you don’t trust your partner, it will be difficult to maintain a lasting union.