Serial Daters: Signs Your Date Doesn’t Actually Care About You

You met a great person and had a fantastic first date. You can’t believe how lucky you are to have found such a wonderful person. Your date promises to call tomorrow for another outing, and you’re on cloud nine. You’re so giddy that it’s been hard to concentrate on your work. But it’s now 24 hours later, and you haven’t heard a thing.

How do you know if your heart has been captured by someone who won’t be around very long? Here are five signs you’re seeing a serial dater.

1. Your date’s behavior is very casual

young couple at a market

Your date might not put in much effort. |

One thing you’ll notice is your date doesn’t seem too interested in getting to know you more. It will be hard to pin him or her down for a date, and when you do finally meet up, things will seem a little off. He or she might not put much effort into looking nice and will keep conversations at a surface level. Your date might also be easily distracted by text messages and phone calls during your time together. Most likely, those are phone calls and messages from potential hook-ups.

Why this is a red flag

couple having a tense moment

Some effort should be made on your dates. |

In the early days of dating, it’s normal to be a little nervous. If you really like the person and want to make a good impression, you’re going to dress a little nicer than usual and try to be pleasant. However, if your date has several more people lined up and doesn’t care if they see you again, you’ll notice that little to no effort will be made to impress you. It’s likely because he or she has plenty of other options, and you’re just one of many.

2. Your date pushes for physical intimacy early on

couple kissing and touching in bed

Can you remember the last time you and your date had a meaningful conversation? |

Does your date seem anxious to get you alone before the date has barely even started? Does he or she insist on groping instead of talking? If people are constantly telling you and your date to get a room, you just might be a fling. Don’t get so caught up in the physical attraction that you forget to stop and think if this relationship has any potential.

Why this is a red flag

couple cuddling on the bed

Your date shouldn’t pressure you.|

If your date wanted to get to know you better, he or she would spend more time talking and asking questions about who you are. Although physical intimacy is a great part of the dating process, it shouldn’t be the entire focus of the relationship. You should also be concerned if your date tries to pressure you despite you expressing a desire to slow things down. This shows a lack of care and concern, and could put you in a potentially dangerous situation down the road. Besides, some sources suggest holding off on intimacy can make for a better relationship in the long run.

3. You’re never introduced

sad woman grasping her head

Your date should introduce you. |

A telling sign that your date has no plans to keep you around is if he or she never bothers to introduce you when you bump into someone they know. You’ll just be standing there, the awkward third wheel in the conversation. Instead of jumping in to introduce yourself, it’s best to wait and see what happens. If your date hurries the conversation along and fails to acknowledge your presence, you’ve received a very important clue about their intentions for your future as a couple. Sorry to tell you this, but you’re just a distraction until someone more interesting comes along.

Why this is a red flag

couple having a discussion

Take time to talk about what’s bothering you. |

If your date doesn’t bother to introduce you, this is a big problem. In addition to being a serial dater, he or she could be a cheater. When your date doesn’t make a simple introduction, this should make you wonder if your relationship is really a secret affair. If it happens once, it could be an honest mistake, but if it keeps happening and your date looks nervous, it’s time to start asking questions.

4. He or she doesn’t put much thought into your dates

couple relaxing on a sofa at home

Is all the planning left up to you? |

Do most of your dates involve the two of you sitting on the couch watching TV all night? Or is all the planning left up to you? If your date doesn’t seem to care what the two of you do, it could be that your date doesn’t plan on seeing you for much longer, so it doesn’t really matter. Take this as a clue that your days as a couple are numbered.

Why this is a red flag

couple arguing

You should be a priority. |

Failing to put any thought into a date or making you do all the heavy lifting is a sign that you’re not much of a priority. Someone who is interested in a future with you will take the time to plan dates or give suggestions about where the two of you should go. If you don’t feel like a priority, it’s probably because you aren’t. 

5. The relationship doesn’t seem to be going anywhere

woman with her boyfriend in car

Your date might like things just the way they are. |

If your relationship is starting to feel like you’re walking through quicksand, it’s probably because you are. After a certain point, if nothing is happening and your relationship is not progressing despite your best efforts, it’s because your date likes things just the way they are. Your relationship status will always be murky because he or she has no plans for you.

Why this is a red flag

woman apologizing during an argument

Get your answers and then decide from there. |

A relationship that’s not moving forward is pretty much just dying a slow death. If your goal is to get married someday, you should think about whether this is someone you want to continue spending time with. You could have the “where is this relationship going” talk, but if you need to even address this issue, that should be a clear sign your date just isn’t thinking about it. Have the talk (if you feel it’s worth a try), get your answers, and then decide from there.

Follow Sheiresa on Twitter @SheiresaNgo