4 Signs You’re Still Not Over Your Ex
Ending a relationship with someone you thought you would spend your life with can be very painful. Not surprisingly, it can be incredibly hard to let go. Some days are easier than others, and you’ll no doubt run into some bumps along the road to recovery. However, you may find yourself getting overwhelmed by memories of your ex, and it can be hard to pull yourself back to reality and remind yourself that it’s over.
In How to Get Over a Breakup: How to Get Over Your Ex Today, Richard Moore said,
You can’t make smart decisions, you can’t control your emotions, and it hurts. There is nothing worse than a fresh breakup; it’s as if someone is sticking his arm into your chest and squeezing your heart. You fear sleeping alone at night. You resent happy people. You see them walking down the road holding hands and you look away. You start to look at the calendar and count the days until Christmas. You know exactly what you’re going to do: sleep through New Year’s.
If this sounds like you, there’s a possibility you may not be over your ex. However, if you want to move on with your life and develop meaningful romantic relationships, it will be important for you to work on resolving this setback and gaining some closure. Here are some signs you may still bestuck in the past.
1. Almost everything reminds you of your ex
If you’re constantly triggered by reminders of your partner, this is an indication you haven’t moved on. Every little reminder should not reduce you to tears and fill you with longing. One way to remedy this dilemma is to do a little house cleaning.
I always recommend cleaning up your house and getting rid of everything that reminds you of your ex. Nothing should remind you about the past at home. And remember what is most important: do not torture yourself with unnecessary memories! There is this curious affinity to suffering. Something forces us to rethink, to evaluate, and to relive the moments of the break-up again and again, as if we will gain something very important from it. In fact, the exact opposite is the case: we suffer and move deeper and deeper into the vicious circle of negative emotions.
2. You’re constantly checking his or her social media pages
A little curiosity about what your ex is up to is normal, but checking the person’s every move on social media is unhealthy. This behavior will only serve to slow down the healing process and feed your urge to obsess about the relationship. Take a break from all social media if you have to. Turn off all message alerts, and if you’re still tempted to check your news feeds, keep yourself busy with a good book or just spend time with a group of supportive friends. Better yet, remove your ex from your social media network. A study that appeared in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking further proves that cyber stalking (particularly on Facebook) can be a stumbling block.
Facebook surveillance was associated with greater current distress over the breakup, more negative feelings, sexual desire, and longing for the ex-partner, and lower personal growth. Participants who remained Facebook friends with the ex-partner, relative to those who did not remain Facebook friends, reported less negative feelings, sexual desire, and longing for the former partner, but lower personal growth … Overall, these findings suggest that exposure to an ex-partner through Facebook may obstruct the process of healing and moving on from a past relationship.
3. You’re hoping to get back together
If it’s been months or years, and you’re still hoping for a reunion, it’s time to accept that it most likely won’t happen. Holding on to false hope may keep you from meeting someone who may be a better fit for you. So stop hoping, wishing, and praying, and just come to terms with your new reality. Take some time to be alone and rebuild your self-esteem.
“You can’t depend on somebody to ‘complete you.’ Jerry Maguire was full of [it] in that sense. You have to complete yourself, through building self-love, confidence, and developing your own unique awesomeness,” said Matt Shumate in From Broken Up to Bro 2.0: The Definitive Guide to Getting Over Your Ex and Leading a Life of Epic Awesomeness.
4. You’re reluctant to start dating again
If you’re not ready to jump back into the dating pool because you’re still hoping to get back with your ex, you’re definitely not over the relationship. Get back out there and meet new people. You can start out slowly by just meeting for coffee or lunch.
“Now it is time to move on. That doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting that person. It just means moving on to what’s next, and it seems best to choose to do so in a powerful way … Your life is now about you. For whatever reason you are not together anymore. This is now your life to live. It’s no longer about the other person and it’s not about what your family or friends think. It’s about you living happy, healed, and fulfilled,” said Bryant M. Jones in Getting Over Your Ex: 7 Steps to Heartbreak Recovery from Divorce and Break-Ups.