Approaching a woman at a bar, or anywhere for that matter, can be an intimidating thing to do. You are open and vulnerable to rejection at a moment’s notice. Huffington Post reported on a survey from the social news website Reddit on women’s opinions when it comes to dating. The thread, Ladies of Reddit, please help us male Redditors out: What is the best way to approach you in public if we’re interested in you?, garnered more than 4,000 responses from women.
Female respondents had a lot to say on the topic, but the general takeaway was this: Women don’t seem to have one singular set of preferences when it comes to the approach. In other words, women think differently, and therefore have different likes and dislikes.
Be that as it may, there are still some general rules that you should adhere to when approaching a woman at a bar. So take a deep breath, stand up straight, walk with confidence, and go for it. But first read what you should and shouldn’t do.
It may be nerve wracking, but try not to let your nerves get the better of you. Don’t worry what she’ll think. Just make sure that you don’t throw a corny line at her when you go in for the approach. She will probably be more likely to chat with you if you remain cool, calm, and collected — women love a confident man. Be natural and true to yourself, and you’ll be more likely to get her talking even if the bar is crowded and noisy.
Don’t assume she wants a certain drink
This is one is a no-no for several reasons. The first is that you’re being presumptuous. She may already have a drink, or the drink that you chose may not be what she’s drinking. Second, many women will not want to accept a drink from a stranger unless they see the beverage being made in front of them. It’s best to save the drink offer for later, once you’ve been talking for a little while.
Do talk to the group of people she’s with
Even though you’re clearly interested in her, she’s probably not at the bar by herself. It’s important to also talk to the people she’s with. If you’re charming with her group of friends, and you’re able to laugh with them and have a good time, she will probably find you more intriguing — and that’s a good thing.
Don’t eye anyone outside the group
If you really want to get to know this woman, keep your focus on her or within her circle of friends. There is nothing that says you’re clearly not interested enough than your eyes wandering to someone or something else. If you happen to be sitting at a table or getting table service, don’t check out the waitress. Remember, you approached her — show her you’re interested.
Do compliment her
Most women love to be complimented. When you do this, avoid looking sleazy by giving her a compliment about something you genuinely find beautiful — her eyes, her smile, her laugh. Extra points if you’ve been chatting her up for a little while and compliment her on her personality.
Don’t get overly comfortable
It’s OK to be comfortable with the woman you’re talking to, and it’s OK to show that you’re interested. For example, if you’re getting positive vibes from her using non-verbal communication, such as touching her hand or her forearm slightly, that’s fine. Don’t call her pet names like “baby, ” or “sweetie” at any point during your conversation. Keep things light and friendly. If you come on too strong, you may come across as obnoxious.