Ready for a revelation? Sex is complicated. Whether it’s your first time with a new partner or your 100th time with a long-term one, there have likely been plenty of moments when things got difficult.
We did some research and found the one obvious thing you could be doing that is affecting your sex life, and as a result, your relationship.
For starters, there’s no perfect sex life
Hopefully you’ve accepted the fact that perfection is unattainable. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t be your best self in your relationship. Sex is a sensitive topic, especially at the beginning of something new.
This is why it’s important to identify from the start what a good sex life looks like to you. When everything else seems perfect, it’s time to zone in on what isn’t working for you and your partner.
Bad habits can be frustrating
Do you or your partner default into “autopilot” during sex? Maybe one of you is prone to taking but not giving. If you’re unsure, WebMD has studied a few things you could be guilty of.
The key thing to remember is that no one is bad at sex, says sex therapist Ian Kerner. “… You can be uncaring, you can be insensitive to your partner, you can be inhibited about sex but all of those problems are discussible and fixable.”
If these habits sound familiar to you, they may be what’s hurting your sex life.
And it could be your lack of chemistry
The hardest thing to admit is that while you can care for and be attracted to someone, the chemistry may just not be there. If you think the issue could be the connection between you and your partner, it’s time to find out if you’re having bad sex or if you’re just with the wrong person.
However, we know that relationships can be much more complicated than this. The good news? There are ways to keep bad sex from ruining a good relationship. But hey — it couldn’t hurt to try and spice things up a bit either way.
The biggest turn-off? Your lack of communication
Good communication leads to a good relationship, so naturally it also leads to good sex. Maybe your favorite position doesn’t work for your partner. There’s a chance what they say during sex doesn’t do it for you. Whatever the issue is, having a discussion is key to fixing it. While this may seem obvious, it’s surprising how difficult it is to verbalize what we want at the risk of feeling vulnerable.
Communication is the basis of trust in life and in the bedroom, so whether it’s with a new partner or your spouse, it’s time to address that this could be the turn-off in question.
But there’s an easy fix
Tell your partner what you want in bed! Then, remember to be receptive to hearing what they want as well. It’s easy to get defensive — everyone wants to be the best you’ve ever had — so remember this is likely as hard for them to vocalize as it is for you to hear.
So, sit down and have a conversation, go the subtle route with a bit of show-and-tell, and always remember to be encouraging.
So, take the reins …
It’s easy to have bad sex if you’re being passive in the bedroom, says HuffPost. You can’t expect your partner to read your mind regarding any aspect of your relationship, so you certainly need to drop that expectation when it comes to sex.
… and you should experience success
A study by Psychology Today shows that people who convey what they want to one another during sex are more likely to be sexually satisfied.
Above all, don’t stress too much. At the end of the day (or the beginning), sex should be exciting, intimate, and healthy.