This Married Man Reveals What Being a Swinger Is Actually Like

You may think of Austin Powers whenever you hear the term “swingers.” But there is far more to this lifestyle than meets the eye. It just so happens that not many people outside of the swinger community know much about it. But thanks to one married man who did an interview with Cracked.com, we have an inside look at what being a swinger is actually like. (We reveal a particularly amazing fact on page 7.)

For starters: The term ‘swinger’

Young couples enjoying countryside

Some swingers prefer wild orgies, while others do smaller, more couples-based activities. | iStock.com/Brian McEntire

The interviewee reveals the title “swinger” is incredibly broad. This is because each couple has different tastes and preferences. “Some prefer to attend parties and participate in orgies,” he explains. “Some are more ‘introverted’… preferring to meet other couples through the lifestyle websites.” There are even couples that choose to do everything but have sex, called a “soft swap.”

Next: It’s important to know that …

Choosing partners can be tricky

Choosing couples to swing with can be as awkward as dating. | Nicoletaionescu/iStockGetty Images

Being a swinger doesn’t mean that you hook up with just anyone, the interviewee explains. Instead, a lot of time is taken for couples to feel each other out and make sure they’re a good match for each other. “The sad reality is, you’ll often meet a couple where you are totally into your ‘counterpart,’ but your partner is not remotely attracted to theirs,” he explains.

Next: Interestingly enough …

Often times, there isn’t much sex

Happy friends drinking tropical cocktails at boat party

Sometimes it’s just catching up. | iStock.com/ DisobeyArt

While the swinger lifestyle is centered around the physical, meetings with other couples don’t always end with everyone having sex at the end of the night. “We soon realized that a get-together of swingers doesn’t always end in a massive orgy,” the interviewee says recalling the first swinger meet-up that he and his wife went to. “Sometimes people just want to catch up.”

Next: Part of the challenge is finding truly interested partners.

There can be imposters

Crossed leg couple

Some people may not work out. | FlyMint Agency/iStock/Getty Images

Sometimes, there are couples at get-togethers who aren’t really into the lifestyle at all — who the interviewee calls fake swingers. “They attend all the big events, and if there’s a stripper pole in the room, you can bet they’ll be the first ones on it. But when it comes down to the actual swinging, they’re more into the exhibitionist aspect of the lifestyle and ultimately are not looking for sex with other couples.”

Next: Like with any type of relationship …

Communication and trust are key

Unfaithful man hugging his girlfriend and looking another

If a couple isn’t on the same page, swinging isn’t going to work. | AntonioGuillem/iStock/Getty Images

No relationship can survive without open communication and trust in your partner. And when it comes to swinging both parts of the couple must be on the same page. “Imagine the level of trust you need to be able to tell your partner, ‘I’m really attracted to this person, and I’d like to have sex with them’ … and then also feel comfortable that your partner won’t slap you for saying that.”

Next: Unfortunately …

Other friendships can get weird

mature couples laughing and enjoy glasses

Swingers often pull away from their non-swinger friends. | Ridofranz/iStock/Getty Images

The interviewee admits that after he and his wife revealed their lifestyle choice to some non-swingers, things can get a little uncomfortable. “Every now and then… we’ll notice a slight physical discomfort with our presence,” he admits.

Next: But on the upside …

It’s empowering for women

Couple man and woman lay cuddling on the bed

The swinger community promotes healthy spaces for women. | iStock.com/Kuzmichstudio

Perhaps one of the best aspects highlighted in the interview is that the swinger community strongly promotes women. Part of this is that couples typically get into the scene because the woman wants to. The fact that single men aren’t allowed also takes away the fear of being aggressively pursued. It’s what the interviewee says “creates a comfortable environment for women to be sexually uninhibited and still fully in control.”

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